food, food, food.

yesterday i only ate the chilli, cheese and crackers for lunch and then the salmon salad and cheese crisps for dinner.  i snacked on the cheese cubes during the day.   ok...so two small italian pastries found their way to my mouth as well if you must know *everything*, lol.   i don't even LIKE sweets that much.  then i went to support group and it was a good demo.  they made crab stuffed mushrooms and zucchini crust pizza.    the mushroom filled me up so i did not try the pizza.   here is something new, for me at least....instead of bread crumbs ground up salted roasted pumpkin seeds and use them as bread crumbs!  who knew?

so....today i still have the egg salad and turkey/laughing cow roll ups.   because i obviously live in fear of not having enough food around me (hello, food issues), i also brought in some cottage cheese and lobster bisque and cheese crisps.   these are not the gluten free cheese crisps so i am taking a 14 gram carb hit with them. 

so far today, i am working on getting an EAS shake down.  less protein than my homemade shakes but it is going down slow.  so i know i have restriction.  self control?  that is another issue.  lol.

i am at work today....but obviously i am very unproductive.  it is too quiet around here this time of year.  i will be leaving early to go work on scouting out a location for the princess' 6th (!!!!!!) birthday party in february.  and then i am going to a winter solstice celebration.  should be interesting as this one is more ritual based than "let's get drunk and party" based.     i am bringing the rest of the tray of italian pastries that were delivered to my office yesterday.  yes, i am re-gifting a dessert platter.  what-evah.  lol. 

random and scattered monday thoughts....

i can honestly say today that i have good alignment with my personal mirror of distortion vs. mirror of reality.   without looking at a picture i see a thinner me in the mirror and even when i look down at my body.   i think this is extremely important to me....because when i feel "fat" i act "fat".  i eat "fat".  i dress "fat".  i think "fat".   today, i hope to go into this new year acting, eating, dressing and thinking thin.  

speaking of dressing fat.... i fucking love jeggings.  OMG.   what a great fashion item for me to find at this point in my weight loss journey.  jeggings, of which i own 3 pairs, allow my to show off all my deliciousness appropriately.   it is the skinny jeans 2.0 for girls, like me, who have stomach apron disproportionately larger than the rest of your body.  i can have "skinny" legs.  even tuck my pants into boots without baggy knees poking out -- yet the waistband gives me the comfort and support at my waist.

i feel very prepared with my food today on one hand.   but feel a little binge-y on the other hand.  i have my lunch bag packed with good foods.   including:

• my salmon salad -- made with light mayo, goat cheese and a couple olive slices --about 1/2 cup -- 16 grams protein
• 2 cheese crisps to have with salmon salad-- wheat free crackers -- 4grams protein, 2 carbs.
• homemade brisket chilli (my protein calculation is 20gram protein) with 1/4 cup of cheese (2 carbs/7 protein -- and 9grams fat!!!!) and 5 saltine crackers (11 carbs/1gram protein)
• two turkey/laughing cow -- the chipolte flavor YUM -- roll ups (turkey: 1 carb/4 protein...cheese: 2 carbs / 6 protein)
• homemade egg salad (eggs: 2 carbs/12 priotein...mayo: 1 carb)
• 1oz cubed cheese (8 grams protein -- 9 grams fat!!!)

i started the day off with a bariatric advantage banana shake with a tbsp of peanut butter -- 30 grams of protein.  it is 11:30 and i have only the shake and 40oz of water (with crystal light tea).  i am not really hungry or anything yet.

i know this look likes a lot of food. and it is. but i am also staying down by my office to go straight to support group tonight since the princess is "on vacation" at my mom's. so it is also dinner.  but there is also a lot of fat.  ugh.  cheese.  cheese has been haunting me this whole journey.  i know deep in my heart i need to scale back on the cheese if i want to see this last 30-40 pounds gone. 


so, like i said it *is* a lot of food and i am honestly walking a thin line today between being prepared and bingeing.   recognizing this, first thing i did this morning was put my lunch bag in the employee breakroom downstairs so it is not sitting on my desk or in the refrigerator in my department.   i plan to have the chilli, cheese and crackers for lunch.

speaking of support group....tonight is supposed to be a cooking demonstration.  should be fun.  i feel sooooooooooooo out of the support group loop. i used to go religiously every monday since the week after my surgery.   it just seems like since september it has been one thing or another and i have not made it there except once or twice.... and now, after tonight i will not be able to attend until april.  i am really really really freaked out by this.   but i am planning on taking an important class on monday nights through march 28th.  i am really trying to get into the already full thursday night class.  but if not i am going to have to suck it up and miss support group.  this class is just as important to my future and soul as group is....but.... i have always been a firm believer that my personal success is directly tied to the trifecta i have created for myself: support group, blogging and therapy.  i am going to have to lean on blogging and therapy more and more.  the good thing is that i will continue working out with two other women from support group most weeks twice a week.  so that keeps a connection for me and really the conversations and support we give each other is more valuable sometimes to listening to people sabotage themselves at support group. 

did i mention how excited i am for the lapband disney trip on january 2nd?????  lol.  i.am.excited.

PSA: Save a Carb...Ride a Protein...

ok...so....i have been reading blogs here and there the past couple days and i keep wanting to make the same comment/friendly nudge but i don't want to be a pain in the ass on a bunch of blogs....so, i will do it here.   and really, more to nudge myself than anything else....because i too am getting too comfortable with eating "normal"....

i read a lot of blogs where people feel "prepared" for the day with their food...but their menus include nutritional bars, salads, carrots, etc.   very little proteins are being listed.   and i know that the specific nutritional bar being listed is a "high protein" bar.  but it also has 30grams or so of carbs! 

my surgeon's office preaches the following:

always go for full protein first.   then a protein shake. and then worst case scenario a protein bar.   and that worst case scenario is because of the carbs.

we are taught to have a minimum of 70grams of protein a day.   and limit ourselves to 30 -40 carbs a day.

whole foods are preferred over processed foods.

good go-to high protein/low carb items are: cottage cheese, greek yogurt, tuna, hard boiled egg, a slice of deli meat rolled up with cheese (i do a slice of turkey with a half of laughing cow cheese -- you wouldn't believe how filling that is for a "mindless" snack).   cheese is always a debate at support group.  i say a cheese stick can keep me away from the snack machine.  so i will go for it and sacrifice the fat content.

i do not want to sound preachy.  i just see a lot of frustration with stalled or slow weight loss and a lot of menus with very little protein...so i thought i would point it out.

yana asked me once to share a menu.  i always try to plan my full menu out the day before.  i travel in my car a lot for work.  for years i used this as my excuse not to follow weight watchers.    now i bring my lunch almost everywhere with me.   no one seems to mind....fancy that!  lol.....

this is what i hope tomorrow will look like....as long as i stay away from the cookies i baked for the office....

breakfast: protein shake with a teaspoon of peanut butter -- 30 grams protein.

morning snack:  cheese stick 7 grams protein

lunch: canned salmon mixed up with light mayo, goat or feta cheese and a couple sliced olives 16 grams of protein

afternoon snack:  (will not be eating dinner until 9ish) 1/2 cup cottage cheese.  i like california style -- it is thicker and more filling to me.  15 grams protein

dinner:  i am having dinner with Electric Stephanie M. (!!!!).  we are going to a restaurant called Stir Crazy.  i have checked out their menu since i was only there once, and i think i am going to get the Wok Seared Tuna Sashimi this time.  last time i got an ahi tuna on a fried wonton tower and ate one of the 3 wonton crisps it came with.   i will guess i will get in 2-3 ounces of tuna so that will be 14-21 grams of protein.

i personally need to work on getting all my liquids in during the day.  i have been slacking. and coincidentally getting stuck a lot lately.   lube the tube, heidi.  lube the tube.  <---- that is also something else my surgeon's office likes to say....lol....


.

my trifecta of issues...

so...long time no post. i have been gradually getting back to work, home and social life since returning from new orleans. busy weekend here. tonight i am going to a party with a "gender bender" theme. i am going as an 80s prom girl. i know my outfit has nothing to do with bending gender...but it is what i *want* to wear! lol.

i have really been working hard in therapy tackling my issues. it seems like there are 3 major themes that have floating to the top...my food addiction....my narcissism....and my "all or nothing" mindset -- and where all of these issues stem from.... i plan to explore these each separately in my blog. today i will talk about food addiction.

up until this past wednesday i wasn't really convinced that i really was a food addict. i could maybe admit i was a binge eater...but addict...wasn't so sure...but then i after being away from home for almost a week i opened the freezer and saw that it was packed...i mean PACKED... to the gills with food. multiple boxes and bags of the same kind of food. and it hit me... i am a food hoarder. oh.my.god. it was scary. standing there having this realization. just like a drug addiction i am always planning for the next fix. should have gotten the damn band on my brain and not stomach....

multiple bags of costco salmon. two big costco bags of meatballs. THREE boxes of my daughter's organic chicken nuggets. two boxes of small frozen quiches. and it goes on and on and on.

it is only the princess and me in the house. we both eat basically the same amount of food. and as you know, it is not that large of quantity we consume. but standing there i realized that i have been systematically stocking up on food since i had the surgery. just like a hoarder you see on TV hoarding "things" to fill a void...i am hoarding food to fill a void.... what is that void? i don't know yet. we have talked about a couple things in therapy.... but i am not sure yet. but it definitely goes back to my parents and the enmeshment issues i have.

in other news...i am looking forward to the B.O.O.B.S getaway to Chicago in September. i will be putting the date on my folks calendar so they can watch the princess for me. i do have to warn you that *everytime* i am in Chicago (ok, twice in my life) there is a "freak" ice storm. so pack accordingly (<--------- see that is my narcissism assuming that the world's weather patterns are affected by my humble travels...oh the narcissism post will be a juicy blog post for you to read... <--------see...now my narcissism leads me to think that my blog post will be good *for* you...lol)

Passover

there is an old jewish joke that makes the rounds around the internet...

Short summary of every Jewish Holiday:

"They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat. "

 

unfortunately there is a lot of truth in the "let's eat" part....tonight starts the first major jewish food holiday since i got my band and hit restriction.   i am not too worried about sitting around the table and my food choices.  my plan is to enjoy a bite of every favorite food and i will be ok.   but the preparation for this holiday has me in that psycho-babble reflective mode today...

 

as i previously blogged about i am pretty sure my food addiction and obesity is directly connected to my need for closeness with my family.    i was the one in the family who my grandmother passed down all her traditional sephardic recipes to.   most of my childhood memories of my grandmother are actually in the kitchen.  and now that she has been gone for 12 years i have firmly placed myself as the holiday cook for the family.  in fact, last year when i flew up to new jersey for passover i took sephardic food on the plane with me since i was going straight to the seder from the airport.

 

so...last week my mom called me to ask me what "we" were doing for passover.   because i don't really obsess about what i am eating each day -- not to mention "next week" -- anymore i was kind of caught off guard.  of course, the question was what was i cooking at my house when i would host the seder.  when i told her i was really not thinking about passover this year she laid on the heavy jewish mother guilt.  try growing up with a greek jewish mother  -- she has the market on guilt....but i digress.... so, after we talked she talked to her good friend whose own horrible daughter was going to her mother-in-law's the first night --with the grandchildren to boot!  so we were able to finagle an invite to first night at my mom's friend house.  and i agreed to do second night at my house just for my parents.
 
well...you would think that would have gotten me off the hook from cooking every recipe of my grandmothers.  nope.   i have been asked to bring not one, but two sephardic pies tonight.  one is a spinach and feta pie and the other is an eggplant and feta pie (my favorite).   i told my mom that tomorrow night i am not making a big brisket and the traditional spehardic meat dishes.  usually i do a brisket, a meat/matzo pie, spinach and veal patties and leek and veal patties.   this year at my house i am only doing spinach patties, potato kugel and my grandmother's red rice (sephardim eat rice on passover).   i will also throw out a can of sardines as gefilite fish is not a traditional sephardic food (but a great protein rich and band friendly food -- btw). 
 
the point of this is not to go on and on about sephardic food porn but that i realize that food really is my connection to my family.  it is my "job" in the family.   and as i previously talked about both me and my parents are starting to feel that shift take place and, at least for me, it is very scary.   i talked about this in therapy last week.   one of my tasks this week is to try to find something else that will be our connection.  one of the ideas we talked about is maybe doing a family bowling night or something.  i don't know...bowling versus food...  lol.  i just don't know.
 
the next two days should be interesting as we sit around the table as a family....
 
oh and on another note...obviously god has it in for me this year.  i took today and tomorrow off work.   after the great weather this weekend i got all my prep cooking out of the way on saturday with the hope that i could go lay out by the pool this morning while the princess was at school.  nope.  not only did it rain...we had tornadoes in the area and flooding.   so now i am stuck in the house...lol... not funny.

gold stars all around...

thanks for all your support on my dating interest. work has been crazy busy this week (with a consultant from 8AM-11PM yesterday, for example) so i have not made any contact yet... i have kind of surmised that most, if not all, of my lap-band readers are straight. not that there is anything wrong with that....lol... but i am not sure how much you know about lesbians and their dating habits...but i am the anti-lesbian. no u-hauls, cats or tevas for me. so what i am saying is that a date is just a date. ok, so maybe it may be more (wink, wink)...but it is not this big pressure cooker for me because i am perfectly happy and content in my single life.

like i said, work has been crazy these past two days. jammed pack with a consultant. yesterday i did a 400 mile tour of various sites. and we have been eating out. i am trying to focus on the positives... i did not eat bad enough to vomit. my skinny jeans (size 26) still fit me tonight. i followed some rules like cutting up my food and boxing up most of my lunch. the choices were "ok" but they could have been worst. last night we were at a spanish restaurant. i only took a couple sips of wine. no bread. for my meal i did not order a large main course. instead i had crab bisque and a shrimp in lemon butter tapas. that meal alone earned me a gold star in my book! no bread. no rice. no large portion. no large quantities of red wine. pretty impressive, if i do say so myself...

and! and! AND! i actually said i had to run an errand and had an employee take the consultant back to where she was staying before dinner to so i could run to my wls support group before dinner last night. granted i could only stay for 15 minutes -- but it was so important to me not to miss group because of dinner.

i am so glad i went...did i ever tell you how amazing my surgeon's office is? his wife is the baratric coordinator/ARNP and she also runs our group. since i had to leave early she asked me to report in first. i told her i was really frustrated with how i tend to "test" the band. she said it was common. i talked about how i was really trying to focus on eating slow, etc. and i jokingly said that they need to lock in a room for a couple months before surgery and force us to change how we eat and chew. she laughed and said "funny you should mention that!" huh? well, it turns out they are talking about doing dinner lessons. get a group together and go out to eat. they will critique our eating. even have a timer on the table to show us how long we have to wait between bites. she said it takes 21 days to change a behavior and they are trying to find ways to help us. i told her "sign me up!". i mean, really, it would be so nice to have dinner with my medical team and have them help me.

tomorrow i only work a half of day and i promised the princess she could go to work with me. then we are going to get our nails done -- mani and pedi -- (i told you i am the anti-lesbian). and then it is four days of really nothing to do. it is the most wonderful time of the year -- to be jewish...lol...no obligation to see family this week. no crazy last minute shopping. no large family meals. easy peasy....

but to all my friends who do celebrate --- merry christmas!

the nutritionist....dun, dun, dun

so i met with monique (real name, but very white and very small) the nutritionist today. if you ask her how i am doing she would probably tell you that i should be taken to a fat farm, put out to pasture and shot. lol

she is soooooooooooo argumentative and negative. thank god i have been working on getting my head on right lately or else i would have walked out of there and called my mom crying and jumping from the top of the parking garage. instead i called my mom laughing my (fat) ass off.

let's see... when you get there they have you fill out a status check form. you have to rate where you are with following the rules...amount of protein, exercising, vitamins, going slow, etc. you rate them 1 to 5. 5 is the best.

i knew when i was filling out the form not to be honest. i kept telling myself i was asking for trouble. but i read somewhere recently about the importance of being honest with the medical team during this journey so you get the best help possible.

well...let's see....she made a big to-do about me not using their tracking sheets. they are large sheets of paper and poorly copied. and i would have to kill tress and make lots of copies if i were to use them. so carry a small and compact journal with me. "fine! don't use our sheets. but you should know they ask specific information". i pull out my cute little journal to show her the details i keep. which are both the details from the sheet and some extras i made up. she tells me just to read off the protein counts for yesterday. i mention i am also tracking the calories and fat. she wants just the protein. ok, i will admit i think i was very proud of the journal. it is something that i could never do before. i mean, i would do it for a couple days. but not for a month like i have now! and the fact that i am also journaling the time i ate and writing my general disposition or location (hungry, tired, disney, etc) is a big deal to me.

so then she starts adding up my protein for yesterday. i already knew i was at 68. the target is 70. but yesterday i was working hard on avoiding cheese so i was ok with 68. guess what she did? she lectured me on how i needed 70 NOT 68. seriously folks. i fucking suck because i did not have 2 more grams of protein yesterday. she pulled out the example of shakes and said i should get these. i tried to tell her those were the exact ones i use (EAS and Pure Protein) and she looked at me like i was a pathetic liar. then she told me to spread out my protein more evenly throughout the day. if she had taken the time to look at MY journal she would have seen that i even time stamp my food in my journal (you have seen it here on my blog). she just kept going on and on. i tried to get a couple words in. she wouldn't let me. i kind of felt defeated. so i sat back and stopped making eye contact.

i guess my 2 grams of protein deficiency was enough to throw doubt over my ability to manage my program so she starts spitting out quiz questions to me. i am taken off guard.... like what do you eat after proteins? the answer is vegetables but i was a couple seconds slow in my response because i was visualizing the exhibit i had at home AND i am not eating veggies yet so it kind of caught me off guard. so as i am saying "vegetables?" she whips out a copy of the exhibit and says "you need another copy!" i mention i am not eating vegetables yet. she says i should be and whips out another sheet...it is the mushie sheet and sample food list that i follow... NO WHERE ON THERE ARE ANY VEGETABLES MENTIONED. i point that out as a way to say that i didn't realize i could since it is not on the sheet and she just tells me to eat some cooked pureed carrots or canned green beans. i try to engage her and tell her these aren't my thing and i prefer raw vegetables like cucumbers. she tells me i can only have pureed and and with that we are onto the next subject....

exercise... on the form i filled out it asked how much i exercised last week. i wrote 5 hours of walking. she read it out loud and then i literally sat there for about 20 seconds while she looked for something wrong....because you know she already has me pegged for a pathetic liar. but if she looked at my journal she would see the walking (including disney) listed. she said i needed to walk briskly. i said that i did. and as i was saying that i also carry two 3 pound weights she did not hear me because she said that while i should be walking briskly i also needed to warm up and cool down slowly. fine, monique, you got me.

then....my biggest mistake... this is the one that i KNEW i should have lied on...but i really was seeking help.... vitamins. with my gluten issues i have to be careful with processed things like vitamins. i have some gluten free liquid ones but they are not doing it for me. so when she asks me why i put a 3 i told her all this and added that i was actually planning on going shopping tonight while the babysitter was over and figure this out at whole foods. she pulled back into her mental rolodex and lectured me on the importance of vitamins. she stressed the calcium. i told her that was the only one that i was happy with since i found a nice chocolate tasting nugget at whole foods. her response? i should try Tums. WHAT? didn't i say that one worked for me. then followed up with the lecture again about vitamins. at the point i just keep saying "i know, i am going tonight to whole foods" to which she ends the conversation by saying i should go to GNC. gee, thanks for the tip.... you could have helped me think of some solutions.

but wait! there's more! i gave myself 4s on eating slowing and chewing. as i blogged yesterday these are my goals this week. she read these out loud and tells me how important they are. i say i know and that they are my goals right now. she asked me if there was a reason i wasn't just doing these things and stated that i shouldn't have to work too hard on just doing them. thank god i have lost 17 pounds -- because it gave me the ability to bend over in my seat and pick my jaw off the floor. did i hear her right? it must be nice to never struggle with your weight and get to tell fat people that changing how they physically eat should be easy to do.

at this point i am just shut down. and she sees it. so she tried to "comfort" me by saying "i know you are frustrated by your weight loss".... and that, ladies and gentlemen, is where i lost it. just lost it. i told her i was very happy with my weight loss and since she did not have me get on the scale that morning i have no idea what she is implying. she then asked me if i wanted to get on the scale. huh? i told her that i thought she was negative and argumentative. i mentioned to her that there is a pamphlet in HER waiting room about obesity discrimination and how it quotes a study that states that a large number of health care professionals discriminate mentally against fat people and think they are lazy and that SHE may want to read that pamphlet and educate herself. and then i left.

called my mom. she let me vent. and reminded me how nice the other nutritionist was in the hospital. i told my mom that i tried to get an appointment with her but she was not available. we agreed that i will try to see the other one before the end of the year.

i am not upset or anything. the thing is, i walked in there very proud and positive and this lady's negativity got to me but it doesn't undo how far i have come in this journey.

onward and downwards...

tonight is support group. i will probably mention some of this there. i know that the nutritionists pay a visit once a month. i hope it is not tonight and i hope it is not her turn. if it is, i may have to politely excuse myself....

back from disney

we had a really nice time. i went out of my way to walk further whenever i could... ie. not taking the parking lot tram. we picnic'd for every meal except one. i brought cottage cheese cups, egg salad, cheese (must.stop.eating.cheese.) and the ever-present EAS shakes. My daughter was just as happy with her homemade lunches.

on friday night we went to Cap n' Jacks at Downtown Disney. this is a seafood restaurant. thanks to a tip i saw on lapband talk last week i immediately sought out crab cakes. the dish i got had two 4oz (approximate) crab cakes. i ate one and was fine. i had the other for breakfast the next morning.

my ongoing inner dialogue was whether or not i was hungry. at times crazy hungry. at others i felt as satisfied as i did last week. then i start questioning (agian) whether i even have a band. then i worried that i flipped my port. they i worried i may have stretched out my pouch. there is no rational basis for these last two thoughts except that i am chronic worrier and an acute hypochondriac lol.

i did discover that i need to work on the following:

• chewing
• eating slower
• not waiting to feel stuck to realize that i am full
• put my utensil down between bites

lap-band basics, i know. but i struggling with them.

tomorrow i am seeing the nutritionist. she gets on my nerves. she talks in a whisper. also for the pre-op lessons she had it so rehearsed in her head that it was hard to engage her in conversation away from the script in her head and since i had some very specific questions due to my gluten intolerance i left kind of frustrated. we'll see how tomorrow goes.

the picture up top is from this weekend. the princess and i decided to get our hair punked up at the Main Street Barber Shop in the Magic Kingdom.

apparently i was banded...

where to start....the last 24 hours has had a lot of band ups and downs...

i am sad and ashamed to say that yesterday -- 10 days post-op -- i overate, ate something i shouldn't have and vomited/slimed/pb'd. i am not sure what happened. i have been dreaming of MEAT. and since i am not into boys, i mean the cow variety....lol. so anyways i defrosted 3 turkey meatballs. i thought if i just chewed, chewed, chewed. i would be ok. nope. 2 meatballs down and i realized i would not have to wait one month post-op to know what "being stuck" felt like. i tried to walk around the house. put my arms in the air. and when the big angry burp came i just went into the bathroom and waited. i can not puke in a toilet. the idea just does me in. so i stood in the shower and waited. and it came. all of the meat, foam and that is pretty much it. i am not too worried about band slippage because there was no stomach contractions or gagging. and i have been fine today.

i am not trying to justify what happened...but, honestly, up until that moment in the shower, i was starting to doubt there was a band in there. i know that sounds silly. but it is true.

so i got sick. i sucked on some popsicle to cool my throat and went to bed. i woke up today back on track. i had a protein shake for breakfast. lunch was business and out and remote so i had beans (the soft light brown kind -- refried?) with a little cheese to help me get past the taste. that was a MAJOR accomplishment for me even without last night because we were at my favorite authentic mexican restaurant where i usually get this wonderful dish called a Botana (nachos with cheese, topped with salad, topped with guacamole, topped with skirt steak, topped with a quesadilla). had a shake late this afternoon and a little tomato soup for dinner. and water, water, water all day.

after lunch i had a meeting with a constituent for the government entity i work for. his wife and i are friendly and former co-workers so we met at their house. we were talking business and then at the end i told them about my surgery. the man struggles with his weight and was asking me about the lap band. he thought that the port was on the outside (like an insulin pump) so here i am at a "business meeting" and i turn to his wife and ask her if i can lift my shirt up for her husband...lol... she said yes and i showed him my port scar. i am not sure if it was a high-point or low-point in my career... but the fact that his wife told me how proud of me she was for getting the surgery makes it a high-point in my lap band journey.

that has been a common response from people...."i am so proud of you...." i think it is an interesting response and i am kind of curious to know why *that* of all things is the first thing some people have said to me.

and finally, i was at my parents earlier and jumped on their Wii fit and found out i have lost 7.5 pounds since last friday. yay me.

this post has been brought to you courtesy of Commando's constant nagging....

food diary 11-15-09

Pure Protein Cookies and Cream Shake 110 C 2 F 22 P
Skim Milk 90 C 0 F 9 P
Creamy Potato Soup 150 C 3.5 F 2 P
melted cheese in soup 110 C 9 F 7 P
EAS Shake 110 C 3 F 17 P
Popsicle 20 C 0 F 0 P
Creamy Potato Soup 150 C 3.5 F 2 P
melted cheese in soup 110 C 9 F 7 P

Total: 850 Calories 30 Fat 66 Protein

food diary 11-12-09

surgery was monday. today is thursday -- is that four days post-op?

all is well. i am on a business trip. taking it slow. now that i have had the surgery my plan for telling people has changed. i am telling co-workers left and right. i was faced with breakfast, lunch and dinner throughout the meetings today. it made it easier to excuse myself when necessary by being honest. great reactions all the way around.

i am in a lot of pain. but it is just surgical pain. my entire gut area is sore. i still feel like i did 100 sit-ups and was punched in the gut.

food today:

6:30AM - 9:30AM-- EAS Shake 110 Cals. 3 Fat 17 Protein
12:30PM -- 1/4 cup grits and hot tea (it was that or beef barley soup and i am allergic to barley (gluten))
5:00PM - 7:45PM 11:30AM -- EAS Shake 110 Cals. 3 Fat 17 Protein

i am not sure if i understand this restriction thing. everything is going down well. i am just burpy but i think that is still surgical gas. luckily i have no shoulder gas pain.

i plan to catch up on all the blogs and boards tomorrow night. right now i just want to take advantage of this quiet hotel room.

good night. skinny dreams.

food diary 11-08-09

broth, jello, broth, jello. you get the idea....

have a massive headache and feel weak. trying to trick the princess into going to bed early so i can zonk out. thank god for the recent time change making it dark early!

my bags are packed and i am ready to go....mom is coming by at 10AM to get me. i am about 35 minutes from the hospital. i really really really want to come home tomorrow and be here alone. my plan is to come home and walk walk walk that gas out of me. i think that is the only thing i am worried about.

got great feedback from great aunts and a great uncle today. good stuff.

food diary 11-07-09

wasn't really hungry today. no real exercise but did garden and clean down the patio. also did a couple leisurely laps around the dog park with the dog and princess.

11:30AM -- EAS Shake 110 Cals. 3 Fat 17 Protein

1:30PM -- Pure Protein Banana Shake (still yuck) 150 Cals. 1 Fat 35 Protein

3:30PM -- Cheese grits 100 Cals. 1.5 Fat 3 Protein

7:30PM -- Potato Leek Soup w/ ground up chicken 250 Cals 6 Fat 13 Protein

10:30PM -- 1/4 cup choc pudding ????

Totals: 610 Calories 11.5 Fat 68 Protein

food diary -- 11-06-09

picked up my gas-x strips and heating pads today. i think i am ready for post-op.

I also found out what time i need to be at the hospital on monday -- 11AM!!!!

8:00AM -- EAS Shake 110 Cals. 3 Fat 17 Protein

9:30AM -- Gluten Free (GF) Hot Cereal 145 Cals. 3 Fat 6 Protein

12:30PM --Tomato Soup 260 Cals. 1 Fat 8 Protein

3:30PM -- Fat Free Milk 180 Cals. 5 Fat 18 Protein
Cookies and Cream Shake 110 Cals. 2 Fat 22 Protein

6:30PM -- Cream of Musroom Soup 240 Cals. 16 Fat 4 Protein
Slivers of chicken (for more protein and taste) 100 Cals. 1.5 Fat 19 Protein

9:00 PM -- Cheese grits 140 Cals. 2.5 Fat 6 Protein (gotta stop the late night eating)

TOTALS: 1285 Cals. 34Fat 100 Protein

food diary 11-05-09

9:15AM -- EAS Shake 110 Cals. 3 Fat 17 Protein

1:30PM -- Tomato Soup 220 Cals. 7 Fat 5 Protein
Vanilla Pudding 70 Cals. 0 Fat 0 Protein

3:30PM -- Cookies and Cream Shake 110 Cals. 2 Fat 22 Protein
Skim Milk 180 Cals. 0 Fat 18 Protein

6:30PM -- GLUTEN FREE Creamy Chicken Soup 220 Cals. 12 Fat 6 Protein
Cheese melted in soup 40 Cals. 3 Fat 4 Protein

Totals: 950 Cals. 27 Fat 72 Protein

Walked 45 minutes at lunch!!!!!

food diary 11-04-09

8:15AM -- GF Cereal 145 Cals. 3 Fat 6 Protein

10:30AM -- Reduced Fat Milk 130 Cals. 5 Fat 9 Protein

Cookies and Cream Shake 110 Cals. 2 Fat 22 Protein

12:30PM -- Chili's Enchilada Soup without toppings 200 Cals. 10 Fat 10 Protein

2:30PM -- Reduced Fat Milk 130 Cals. 5 Fat 9 Protein
Juice Plus Choc Shake 110 Cals. 1 Fat 13 Protein

5:30PM -- EAS Shake 110 Cals. 3 Fat 17 Protein

8:30PM -- Cheese and Broccoli soup 200 Cals 9 Fat 4 Protein

Totals: 1135 Cals. 38 Fat 90 Protein

i have to spend time tomorrow getting creamy gluten free soup. this stuff i am eating is causing me such heartburn. and i don't want heartburn while dealing with the gas pain in my shoulder post-op.

food diary 11-03-09

my daily protein goal is 70-80 grams. i am not sure if i have a maximum caloric intake. but i seem to be within a good range. i am hungry tonight. i am also exhausted.

8:15AM -- Cheese flavored grits 100 Cals. 1.5 Fat 3 Protein

10:30AM -- Reduced Fat Milk 260 Cals. 10 Fat 18 Protein

11:30AM -- Greek Yogurt w/Honey (so-so) 40 Cals. 0 Fat 4 Protein

12:30PM -- Tomato Soup w/flavoring 220 Cals. 7 Fat 5 Protein

SF Jell-o 10 Cals. 0 Fat 1 Protein

3:30PM -- Cream of Chicken/Mushroom Soup 260 Cals. 10 Fat 18 Protein

5:30PM -- Publix LF Yogurt 90 Cals 0 Fat 7 Protein

7:00PM -- EAS Shake 110 Cals. 3 Fat 17 Protein

Totals: 1090 Cals. 31.5 Fat 73 Protein

starting my food diary....

today was a busy lap-band day...

i had my preadmission appointment at the hospital. they still had not received the insurance authorization from the doctor. they said they would follow-up on it so i am not going to worry too much. well, maybe a little. i emailed the insurance coordinator at the surgeon's office and asked her what the status was and have not gotten a reply yet.... i will call her tomorrow.

after work i had my pre-op blood drawn.

i also started my official pre-op liquid diet.

Here is my intake for today:

8:30AM -- Gluten Free (GF) Hot Cereal 145 Cals. 3 Fat 6 Protein

12:30PM -- EAS Shake 110 Cals. 3 Fat 17 Protein

1:30PM -- Tomato Soup 190 Cals. 4 Fat 4 Protein

Sugar Free (SF) Jell-o 10 Cals. 0 Fat 1 Protein

3:30PM -- EAS Shake 110 Cals. 3 Fat 17 Protein

5:30PM -- Cream of Chicken Soup 175 Cals. 6 Fat 5 Protein

7:00 PM -- Pure Protein Banana Shake (yuck) 150 Cals. 1 Fat 35 Protein

8:40 PM -- Bacon flavored grits 100 Cals. .5 Fat 3 Protein

Totals: 990 Cals. 20.5 Fat 88 Protein

And.....drum roll please...... i walked for 40 minutes at lunch. in 88 degree heat.

that's it for me today. our a/c broke and it is just miserable and humid out (for november!!!).... so i am going to go to bed. tomorrow will be the big challenge. i have to travel for work with my employees. we will most likely go out to eat due to our remote location. let's hope for some good soup on the menu! and let's hope even more for my ability to control myself since we will most likely be at my favorite mexican restaurant -- and i need to avoid the chips and salsa....