14 days....10 workouts.... 5 pounds down....this.is.war.

So I am totally hooked on Or@ngeT#eory.   I have been religiously attending.   My first week I lost 5 pounds and felt a lot of muscle pain.   

This is a pretty big deal for me.   As you can see I was even hitting some 6AM and 7 AM sessions.   I have to thank LOVE for her total support allowing me to go while she either gets Princess ready for school or takes her to school (technically our arrangement is I do drop off and she does pick up).  

So.... Like I said the first week I lost 5 pounds.   Then last Sunday and Monday we went to Disney.  And I had carbs and sugar.   Not crazy but something at every meal.   And when I weighed myself Tuesday morning back at home I was back up to 244.  

Sunday is my official when in day and today I was back down to 239.   (But I jump on the scale everytime I walk past it -- which is a lot since it is in my pantry/laundry room/access to the garage).  

This week I have been mad.

Mad.

Mad.

Mad.

So frickin mad at myself for slipping for 2 days and undoing a week's worth of hard work.   I had been logging my food, drinking my water and getting up at 5frickinthirty to work out.   

This anger has really kicked up my workout.    The idea behind Or@ngeT#eory is that you should spend 25-35 minutes in the "green" which is the zone that melts fat and burns calories and at least 12 minutes in the orange or red for the maximum "afterburn" of calories for the next 36 hours.    In fat people speak that is the "gravy" to the workout.  As you can see my splat points have improved but I haven't hit 12 yet.  I am ok with that.   (One of the trainers is obsessed with the points and it is somewhat discouraging). What I have focused on is not only my points but also staying in the green if I am not in the Orange.  Today was probably one of my best workouts.  10 points 35 minutes in the green.  

My plan is to hit the gym at least 6 times this week.  As of now I am giving myself Wednesday off.   But part of me wants to go all 7 days.  It is oddly addictive and satisfying. 

I am hoping that even more weight will come off this week to make up for last weekend.  I had hoped it was water retention.  But it wasn't.  Clearly.   

Signing off for now.  I have to get up in 7 hours to go work out.m. Um?  Who typed that sentence?  

A picture says a million words... or at least 50 (lbs)....

we have all probably read about the effect social media has on self-esteem and how people generally only post pictures on facebook, instagram, etc they look good in.  i am guilty of that.   i have also mastered the art of cropping out an arm or hip to look skinnier.    i can't wait for the day i don't have to do that anymore.

so....since this isn't facebook i decided to post a few pictures from this week...

welcome to my mind-fuck.  ready?  let's go....

exhibit a:

a picture i took of myself in the bathroom at Love's annual work dinner -- i thought i looked not only skinny, but young.

exhibit b:

taken with Love an hour later.

still skinny, right?  i love this picture.

exhibit c:

a picture of us at a gala two nights later.    

i am as big as a house!!!!!   granted i am wearing a crinoline petticoat that makes the bottom part of my dress poof out....but i look BIG.  two freakin nights later.   i hate this picture.

exhibit d:

taken the next day.   UGH.  my "before" Or@ngeT#eory picture.   

let me justify it a little bit.... i am purposely wearing a shirt that is too small.  i bought it at Ross months before i started working out because i liked the pattern on the back.  it is my goal to have it fit me properly.   

i am so frustrated when i see this.   this was ME: 

and this:

not this:

exhibit e:

no use crying over 2 years of chips, melted cheese and chocolate....i joined 

Or@ngeT#eory and have been there 3 times this week and i still think it is hell...but i actually enjoy it and am scheming to find a way to get there tomorrow morning (that means that Love takes my normal morning shift with getting the princess to school).    AND my enthusiasm has convinced Love to go for her free session this saturday!  

i am making sundays my official weigh-in day....but like with anything, i am a cheater, cheater pumpkin eater (actually i hate pumpkin tasting things)...so i weigh myself every time i walk past the scale and i am down 3 pounds so far this week.  i have also been chocolate and carb free for a week.   ok.   not really.  i told you i was a cheater.  last night i had a few of the free ande's mints they give you at olive garden.    but no carbs.  really.  i promise.  

Orange is the new....me? Yikes!

No, no.  I am not going to jail.  Although....threaten to throw me in a confined space with Alex Vause....  I could be tempted.  But, I digress.   

Today I tried out a session at Or@ngeT#eory.   Not sure if they are nationwide but it is a group gym workout.  

Let me start by saying that it took me a few months to get past my disappointment that it was not a yogurt place.  

So.... I went this morning to try the advertised free session.    It was HELL.   Remember I lost all my weight with no real exercise.   But now I am 42 (and *everyone* says it is harder to lose weight after 40) and I have a deadline of mid-May for our wedding.   I have my dress already but I want to be 20 pounds down at least so it flows differently over my stomach. 

Anywoo...so this workout place is basically a small group of group circuit training.   27 minutes of intense cardio and 27 minutes of intense strength training.  The idea is to say in the "orange" zone of your heart rate at least 12-20 minutes of your one hour session. 

According to the report I got afterwards, I spent 2 minutes in the orange.   But trust me I pushed myself.   Not bad for the first time.  

They say you need to go at least 3 times a week for weight loss and you "should" see body changes in 6 weeks.  I am open to giving this the ole college try.  

Exercise has never been something I could commit to. I am hoping with a 3 month window until my goal, I will find some lasting commitment.   

god doesn't give us what we can't handle....

i always HATED that saying.  especially as a mom to a kid that has medical issues.   like, really?  i am supposed to thank "god" for having so much confidence in me so he/she/it has made my baby suffered?   yeah, i don't buy it.

but if there is indeed a big rainbow colored unicorn in the sky, it is really testing me this week....

tuesday -- beyond crazy and stressful public hearing. avoided my hot chocolate from st@rb*cks before and my gas station stop for chips and chocolate afterwards.

wednesday -- beyond stressful health issues for my mom (which bring up my mommy issues)

today -- business lunch for me and tonight business gala dinner thing for my LOVE's work

saturday -- lunch at Johnny Rockets for Princess' birthday party at the mall and dinner at a major chi-chi gala.  

both tonight and saturday are also major alcohol events.   alcohol is sugar AND makes my band get loose...

i am happy to report that so far i have beat that damn unicorn in the sky at her game and have not given in.... i hope i can keep this momentum going!

To the lady at Lane Bryant...

I am so sorry I snapped at you today. It wasn't really about the (ridiculous) price of one pair of black panty hose. ($18.95?????). It was about the fact that I had no choice but to look at your pantyhose because the kind they have at Target are too small. And I am not only pissed that I gained weight but also that it all came back in my stomach, back and thighs.

Anyhoo. I was not that pissed that I ate chocolate. But again, sorry I snapped and left them on the counter when I stormed out.

Breakfast: EAS shake

Lunch: salad with baked chicken, bacon and avocado.

Snack: lite cheese stick

Dinner: Mexican restaurant chicken tortilla soup without tortilla strips AND I DID NOT TOUCH THE CHIPS ON THE TABLE!!!!!

I may actually do this....

Elvis has left the building....

No chocolate today!   Except for proper weight loss type shakes.    Only 10 small seed style gluten free crackers.  (Mary's brand).  

And this was after a very stressful day at work including a crazy public meeting at night.  

I am in bed for the night.   I can and will get back on track.  I hope.   

out of mind....out of sight

i accidentally stumbled onto my blog account while doing something work related through gmail.   well -- fuck-a-duck.   i now weigh 240 and am MISERABLE.  i can not stop eating chocolate.   that's it.   and carbs.   now i have said it.   i live my life eating around my band.   UGH.

shit, they even changed blogger on me.

i know blogging kept me accountable.   i know that i was most successful when my life revolved around my lap band.    now it doesn't.

the princess will be 10 in two weeks.   she has had two major surgeries in the last year.   neuro-brain surgery and neuro-spinal surgery.    after the last surgery in november she lost her ability to walk.  she can walk now because she is on major medication for her painful neuropathy that happened as a result of the surgery.   she uses a walker or cane to get around.

my career is going real well.  but i eat too much when i am stressed.

and i am engaged to my LOVE.   my life partner.   the one that once got away and is now not going anywhere.

she has also gain about 50 pounds since we have been back together.

wedding is in may.  i have my dress.   it fits but i want to lose 20 pounds so it flows....

no excuses.   i eat too much chocolate and chips and carbs.

i need another "day 1".  perhaps today?