A picture says a million words... or at least 50 (lbs)....

we have all probably read about the effect social media has on self-esteem and how people generally only post pictures on facebook, instagram, etc they look good in.  i am guilty of that.   i have also mastered the art of cropping out an arm or hip to look skinnier.    i can't wait for the day i don't have to do that anymore.

so....since this isn't facebook i decided to post a few pictures from this week...

welcome to my mind-fuck.  ready?  let's go....

exhibit a:

a picture i took of myself in the bathroom at Love's annual work dinner -- i thought i looked not only skinny, but young.

exhibit b:

taken with Love an hour later.

still skinny, right?  i love this picture.

exhibit c:

a picture of us at a gala two nights later.    

i am as big as a house!!!!!   granted i am wearing a crinoline petticoat that makes the bottom part of my dress poof out....but i look BIG.  two freakin nights later.   i hate this picture.

exhibit d:

taken the next day.   UGH.  my "before" Or@ngeT#eory picture.   

let me justify it a little bit.... i am purposely wearing a shirt that is too small.  i bought it at Ross months before i started working out because i liked the pattern on the back.  it is my goal to have it fit me properly.   

i am so frustrated when i see this.   this was ME: 

and this:

not this:

exhibit e:

no use crying over 2 years of chips, melted cheese and chocolate....i joined 

Or@ngeT#eory and have been there 3 times this week and i still think it is hell...but i actually enjoy it and am scheming to find a way to get there tomorrow morning (that means that Love takes my normal morning shift with getting the princess to school).    AND my enthusiasm has convinced Love to go for her free session this saturday!  

i am making sundays my official weigh-in day....but like with anything, i am a cheater, cheater pumpkin eater (actually i hate pumpkin tasting things)...so i weigh myself every time i walk past the scale and i am down 3 pounds so far this week.  i have also been chocolate and carb free for a week.   ok.   not really.  i told you i was a cheater.  last night i had a few of the free ande's mints they give you at olive garden.    but no carbs.  really.  i promise.