sigh

i think i am suffering from last supperitis. part of me wants to jump in and start my pre-op liquid diet. (i am not required to start until Nov 2nd). and then part of me is looking for all my favorite foods....today i pigged-out. ate bread even though i am gluten intolerant.

i have exerted some control over these urges, but i am consciously worrying about the control i am required to exert for.the.rest.of.my.life once i am banded.

i definitely have instant gratification issues. i want now and i want it my way. in almost all aspects of my life. as far as food goes - if i did not hate the kumbaya aspect of support groups i would join overeaters anonymous.

i think i am realizing that there is definitely a hill to climb here....

The Adventure of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert....

tonight was the first night i have gone out in about 2 months. my going-out habits are very illustrative of the ying/yang of my life.

by day i am a mom. a director of a governmental program. suburban, planned community dweller who obsessively researches the "best" schools for her daughter.

by night....or at least last night....i am a purple wig wearing drag queen wannabe. i wouldn't say i am a bar-fly. hardly. but when i go out -- i GO OUT.

i met up with some friends at a burlesque show. it was awesome. sexy. fun. real fun.

here i am getting ready....

The Final Start

this is my 3rd blog.... the other two no longer matter. #1 was my thoughts on my daughter's first neurosurgery surgery. #2 was about my last hardcore weight watchers attempt. that attempt fizzled out about 3 years ago and now i am preparing for lap-band surgery on November 9, 2009.

a little about me. i am the solo parent to a 4 1/2 year old princess. i am 37. i weigh 310 pounds. i work full-time in land planning. i am happy. i have a nice life. great parents. good friends. love disney. love travel. love bravo reality shows. love vh-1 trashy shows even more. i secretly love hannah montana, suite life on deck and the wizards of waverly place and even jonas and force my daughter to watch them as my cover. i like to kick back with some rum and diet coke every now and then. i have to be the funniest person in the room. i am a bookaphile. (i am in two book discussion groups) i always.have.to.be.on.the.go.

i don't have issues with my weight in the sense that i actually like myself. i have never let my weight hold me back...but that is not good enough anymore. i am a mom -- and for that reason alone i need to lose weight. and i need help. real help.

i have thought about surgery for a couple years now. i was very apprehensive, but now i have never been so sure of anything in my life. i am ready. committed. and i just can't wait.

here is a picture of me (and the princess) September 19, 2009 --