i realized tonight that i am nothing more than an attention seeking whore. ok, i am working on the whore status -- but i am an attention seeker.

i was at a community meeting and had to give a presentation. there were about 50 people there and about 15 different people raised their hand to make comments or ask questions. and with each one i found myself thinking "here it comes, they are going to publicly ask me how much weight i have lost! yippee!" and gosh darn, not one person did.

what a bust of a night. lol.

i am an official bandster now!

i have the band. i have my first fill. 4.5 ccs total.

you know how they say that after surgery you find other things to do besides eat or constantly think about eating? and you know how during our pre-op time we don't believe them? can't wrap our minds around that concept? today i finally get it! now instead of starving myself before doctor weigh-ins or rushing to get something to eat after weigh-in -- i rush through traffic so i can update my online weight-loss ticker! lol.

another 5 pounds down today. total weigh loss is 22 pounds. yay me!

the fill went great. i requested the surgeon do it and got to chat with him. it literally takes 30 seconds. i feel fine but i do know quite well that i really need to take small sips right now. chew, chew, chew. sip, sip, sip. i think i need a tape with that on it to listen to in my sleep.

he also mentioned he heard about the nutritionist and told me that his office is not the only one having these issues. he says it is frequent discussions with colleagues around the state. he said that the whole pushing carbs thing is a big problem for his practice. i suspect they will be bringing in their own person soon and stop using the hospital nutritionists.

i am wearing a new (size 26) black and white polka dot shirt today and size 24 side-zip cigarette pants. people are freaking out about my look and the noticeable difference.

ok, the important stuff is done -- weight loss ticker is updated and blog is current... need to get back to work...lol.

"how much weight have you lost? you are getting THIN!"

....said the guy from IT as i was passing him in the hall this morning!

then the boss of the SNL guys who i previously mentioned and i were meeting/shooting the shit. he is my partner in crime at work and he thinks i have the biggest balls in the organization so the conversation is pretty backroom with us...so i start to give him shit for not noticing my weight loss...he tells me that he has noticed and has been talking behind my back to people about it...lol.

then i walked into my archnemesis' office and his secretary (who loves me and despises him) stumbled over her words... "hi heidi, um. hey. yeah. you can go in." i am pretty sure that i did not have a booger coming out of my nose and it was the change that is becoming apparent this week in my face, shoulders, etc. it is amazing what roughly 20 pounds can do.

loving it!

tomorrow is the big day! 1st fill! it is also a very busy working mom day...breakfast meeting at 8:30 (i will have hot tea)...fill at 10...hop on a helicopter at 2PM to travel across the state...community dinner at 5:30 (i will maybe have a protein shake)...community meeting at 6:30....hop on helicopter back to south florida... while this is all going on my babysitter will be rushing from her day job to get my daughter (she has a 30 minute window to get about 20 minutes away), feed her, bathe her and put her to bed. let's hope that the stars align for all of us tomorrow!

one more thing...

i totally forgot to post that i did 30 minutes of richard simmons disco sweat this morning! i do lurve me some richard simmons....

the battle between the jewish mother and the 2X t-shirt...

the 2X t-shirt won!!!!!

quick back story...1 week post-op i hosted a tomboy tools party. at the party i ordered a t-shirt. since i was only living on soup and protein drinks back then i was very optimistic about my journey so i ordered the 2x t-shirt instead of the 4x t-shirt. i know i could usually wear 3x if i had to, but if 4x was available i would take it. so my mom called me before placing the final order to confirm that i wanted 2x. i said yes, because it would be silly to buy a bigger size if i wouldn't be able to fit into it. my mom responded that it would be a while before i would fit into 2x. i took it as her being protective of my feelings because she has first hand witnessed almost all of my emotional breakdowns after not doing well on diets since i was 10.

well, this weekend i got the shirt and it fit! like, it fit well enough that i wore it all day and night! yay me! and when i saw myself in the mirror i could see that my shoulder width looked smaller.

nothing else really happened this weekend. my parents, me and the princess went bowling last night (me in my 2x shirt) and that was lots of fun. today princess and i played games and did puzzles. i actually sat on the floor comfortably with her. i am not sure if i have ever played on the floor with her....

i also dropped some $$$ at lane bryant. i needed more spanx (i am lovin them) and they were advertising this black and white polka dot blouse (size 26). i have a thing for black and white polka dots. using a coupon i was also able to get two more shirts free...one to wear now and one to use as a goal -- size 22.

i always reflect when i see people post that they never want to shop at lane bryant again. i can't say that...i have wanted for a long time to shop at lane bryant. they *only* go to size 28. it hasn't been until the last year that i could even consider shopping anywhere *but* the avenue who goes to size 32.

i officially weigh-in on tuesday (at 10AM --- no, i am not ready for my fill or anything...lol). but i did jump on my parents wii yesterday and i was down 4.6 pounds. yay! that is pretty much my target on tuesday -- 4 pounds which would be 2 pounds a week.

have a great week!

and the plot thickens....

today i got a call from my surgeon's (florida) west coast nutritionist. his west coast office has their own nutritionist since it is not associated with the hospital here on the east coast. she went through what i was eating and was very positive and helpful with some suggestions...ie. premade shakes are less filling that powered shakes. she is very strict on the time frame but at the same time encouraging. we got to chatting and she told me that she is now handling all the self-pay pre-op consults for both coasts. (they are not set up for insurance yet). which is VERY interesting based on some of my blog readers observations. i wonder how many people were being discouraged in the pre-op consult...

anyways, she was very nice and told me that even when she needs to correct patent's behaviors that she will find some positive. she offered me her cell phone number and email address and said i can call her anytime and that when i start solids she wouldn't mind reviewing my food journals. i really commend the surgeon's wife/bariatric coordinator for her follow through.

in other news, yesterday i spent some time at work with a constituent who had his lap band surgery one week before mine. this gentleman has always been special to me. he has always offered me inside political views to help me in my job and defended me when the heat was on me. we would talk about our weight every now and then. i was so surprised and happy to see him when i walked into my final pre-op class. so yesterday we compared menus and experiences. we also lifted our shirts and shared scars. lol. if you are keeping count -- this is the second (male) constituent at work i have lifted me shirt up for since surgery. lol.

my employer is doing a donation drive for the Pine Ridge Sioux Indians. they are among the poorest native americans in this country. so the princess packed a large box of stuffed animals, coloring books and new crayon boxes from her room. she also offered up her bicycle. (i will get her a new one for her charity). i decided to pack up all my 30/32s that i was going to consign and donate them.

this weekend should be pretty low-key. tomorrow i am helping my mom at a holiday marketplace. she sells tomboy tools. but other than that we are just chilling out.

cheap and easy post...

some random ramblings...

stayed home from work today. needed a mental health day. i have felt "weird" all week and there was some moist stuff, i think they are called tears (sp?), randomly coming from my eyes. lol. i have an IUD so i don't get my period...but i sure felt pms'y and didn't want to act bat shit crazy at work.

ran into the woman who convinced me to see the surgeon. it was such an warm and emotional (see above) conversation. she has lost over 100 pounds since having her lap band in nov 08. just amazing. i will be forever grateful to her for sharing her story with me over lunch at a work event this summer.

there must be a full moon in pre-schooler sphere because my daughter has been whacked out the last couple days (see above). i actually brought her home from school early today to give her some extra attention and get her to chill out. when i was little my mother always wish a child just like me on me when i was being bad (a l0t). i wish she would lift the spell. having a 4 year old throw you 14 year old attitude over what she is wearing to preschool is getting old.

i am ready for my fill next tuesday. i feel out of control with my food (see above). not the type of food but the amount and frequency. i want this journey to start for real and i want it NOW.

i need to commit to exercising (see above).

i didn't sleep with a binder on last night and today i felt pulled again. this time where i assume the stoma/band are. i have the binder on now and it seems ok. did i tell you all i am a hypochondriac? lol.

glee is on tonight. i like glee. i hope mrs. shu gets busted for lying tonight. quinn too. i read somewhere that next week is the last episode before april. i hope both those issues are resolved.