i have been trying to quell the feelings of instability this week. i know that is because i have come to the realization that i have given up some form of control by getting the band. for some reason -- yet to be identified -- i used food and overeating to control something (yet to be identified). i really need to figure out what i am trying to control and why.
also, i am dealing with the dating thing. having been on a dating hiatus has been another form of control. fortunately the woman i am dating is mature enough to give me to the space i need to deal with all these changes in my life. lesbians, stereotypically, are nesters. they go into instant couplehood and it is rare to ask and receive space in new lesbian relationships. did i mention that the woman i am dating is 13 years older than me? last night it was discovered that she graduated high school the year i started kindergarten. yikes! lol. i am getting some playful shit from my friends about being a cougar-hunter. i'll own it... lol.
onto the positive thoughts. it took me a day or two but i realized that i am only 9 pounds from losing 100 pounds from my highest known weight and in all likelihood i am actually already 100 pounds lighter than i once was. holy shit!
i am feeling generally more positive about this wall issue. i just wish that the reason for the weight, for the wall would come to me....
Tracey is 13 years older than me too! When we talk about it is funny bc he could have babysat me! I don't know how it is for older women, but dating an older man was so nice bc they were STUPID!
ReplyDeleteAnyways, potentially 100 pounds down is awesome! We forget how great that is!
yeah... i am not sure that i can say my old lady (lol) is stupid. she has a PhD(!!!!)... but there is definitely something to be said about someone who has been having sex for 13 years more than you have.... just sayin...
ReplyDeleteyeah. 100 pounds (over 5 years lol) is getting me through this internal struggle right now!
It's an ongoing struggle. I am hitting some of the same walls as you. I, too, hope to figure it out as well. And soon!
ReplyDeleteFingers crossed the relationship continues to go well...
Oh, and I'm just guessing, but I think The Other Amy meant the young ones were stupid...just guessing, though. :)
Amy
Well, you've got a lifetime to figure out your issues! You sound alot like me-- an analytical Jewess...
ReplyDeleteGlad your new gf is giving you space, it is ideal that she is older and potentially more secure and you're not dealing with mind games of a young thing who might be trying on a lifestyle for size or something!!
Good luck and enjoy the time with your new lady and enjoy the journey of figuring things out. Take it one day at a time!