EEK! Plastic Surgery

first off...before i start...you need to know that i am sitting here wearing a 2x Lands End type monogrammed work shirt -- tucked in!!!!!

anyhoo...

monday night was support group.  the third monday of the month we will be having a guest speaker.  this week's speaker was a plastic surgeon who has worked on some of our people.    i suffer from anxiety.  however, it has been MANY years since i have had a full-blown anxiety attack.   i have never passed out from one, but monday night i was pretty sure that was about to happen.  he was going through and showing us pictures of people who needed plastic surgery after massive weight loss.  i don't know what it was but i felt my breathing getting funny.   my chest tightening.  dizzy.  my inner monologue was "get up and leave.  shit.  i can't stand up.  i can't leave.  shit.  shit. shit."    i have no idea if it was the thought of 3 more surgeries (i don't think so).   the overwhelming thought that the journey does not end with a number on the scale (possibly).  the realization that i am not going to *poof* look like a stripper.    i don't know but it was pretty intense.

but....but....forget about my personal hell...the people in my support group rock.  just fucking rock.  we have two women how started (i am assuming) over 400 pounds, if not more.  they are so committed to this process.  so one of them asked if maybe it would be a good idea for someone who is half way through their journey but still has a long way to go to do some liposuction along the way.  he said no-- due to healing issues and lack of "deflation".   then our bariatric coordinator chimed in (who i know has a professional relationship with him) and asked him if it would help someone be more mobile would he consider it.  his answer was still along the negative lines.   so THEN one of our at goal -- never would think they were fat -- women tries the same question again...pushing him on the topic.   this group was just amazing.   it was as if we were collectively sitting there looking at him with clenched teeth saying "just fucking consider it for our friends". 

things are going well here.  i feel like i am in control with my restriction and amount of food.  need to back away from the "i can eat anything quality-wise" idea a little.  the major thing that i am working on this week is my water intake.  following amy w/'s advice, i know that my water bottle is 20oz.  i need to drink at least 4 of them before i leave work every day.  i have been finding that i am not drinking AT ALL at home at night. 

have a successful day...