this one goes out to the one i lust....

seriously...just the other day i was thinking "how cool would it be to meet a lesbian who went through the band process and fall in love".  i mean it would be so cool to me to date someone who i could TOTALLY relate to.   someone who would know when i am stuck by the look in my eyes.  someone to coordinate my fills and mushie schedules with...  

unfortunately i think i may have to challenge a woman named heather to a dual to get my fantasy girl...sigh.... but i will just say this...i know my type...even when she does not know she is my type....lol....i have been flirting with and throwing myself at Amy W. for months now.   all my grooming and confidence building in her has only benefit some woman named Heather.... whatevah.  (lol...as if i have anything to do with heather and amy w....lol!!!)

go give amy w. your support.... http://cheeseandsunkist.blogspot.com/2010/06/glass-closet.html

i need new pajamas and to consider toning....

sigh.   i have been hanging onto my old pajamas since this whole ordeal (dramatic much, heidi?) started.  i have a great pajama collection.     i am a "real" pajamas girl.  matching sets.  cute stuff.   my favorite pair is this well worn, perfectly soft pink/purple set.   it is so big on me that when i go downstairs in them i have to pull the pants waist band well over my chest to make sure i do not trip on them and this is with the cute purple satin waist ribbon pulled tight. 

so.....this morning we are walking goosey and ziggy.   ziggy is done with his business and goosey is taking her sweet time looking for the perfect "ziggy-free" spot.   so i tell the princess to take ziggy in the house.    WELL...she decided to take his leash off right at the front door....which has not been a problem in the past because he would walk right into the house.   not today.   since i was still outside he decided to come find me.   so when i turned around to see what the princess was screaming about (poor thing) i see a leash-less ziggy standing in the yard looking at me.   as soon as we made eye contact --- he took off.   let's just say that he ran and ran and ran to the other side of my development.   along a canal.  almost into a major street.  finally some guy came out of his house with his english bulldog and ziggy ran over to say hi and the guy grabbed ziggy for me.   this was at least 20 minutes after the chase began.

what does this have to do with my pajamas?  well, i should also tell you that i do not wear panties in my pajamas.   so i am running around my development, along a canal, almost into a major street tripping over my pajama pants that are falling down.   yes.  my very white jiggly ass kept peeping out.    oh but it wasn't just my ass.  oh no.   it was my oh-so-(not)-attractive hanging skin stomach flopping around.  making noises as it slapped against my body nonetheless.    and it wasn't just the bottom half of my body.  oh no.   it was my now ultra-saggy boobs.   the left one going to the right.  the right one going over my shoulder.   and of course my pajama top is like a dress on me now so there is no support there -- at all.   the thing only touches me on my shoulders.     i was like the mel brooks version of bo derek running on the beach.   except it was wet florida grass which is very slippery first thing in the morning when you are losing your pants.   NOT GOOD.  

so i stand in front of this neighbor guy i have never met before.   pull my drawstring ultra tight.   tuck my gigantic shirt into my gigantic bottoms and start the long walk back to my side of the development.   then i think "SHIT -- THE PRINCESS!!!!" and start having major horrible thoughts that she took off to find ziggy and me and is now lost, scared or WORST.   

thank gawd she was the ONLY smart one in our family this morning and went into the house and sat on the stairs and waited for us.  of course she was upset thinking she lost ziggy (not too worried about mommy mooning the neighborhood though).  but she was -- thank gawd -- safe and sound.  smart kid.

this weekend we are investing in some pajamas for mommy.   and maybe some with built in firm bras.   lol. 

just when you thought ziggy could not get any cuter....

he gets his first haircut.   what the picture does not show is that his natural coloring is actually a shade darker on a two inch strip down his whole back (it is the same color as his legs and face) .... yeah, baby...my chihuahua has a natural mohawk....so punk rock.  i love it!  

thank you thank you thank you for all the cat calls in my previous post.   much appreciated.

"they" say every woman needs one...

i never had one.... but now i do....

a LITTLE black dress!

it's a boy!

we got a new dog this week from the humane society.  his name is ziggy and he is a chubby chihuahua.    very good boy and seems to be fitting into our family nicely.   i guess i should mention that we already have a dog -- goosey.  she is a cocker spaniel.  she is very cute but a boring dog.   no personality at all.   well...that was until Ziggy came home and now she seems to be stepping up her game.    ziggy is good for all of us.  he is young so he wants to run around which is forcing me, the princess and goosey to go to the dog park.    because if the 3 of us could have our way we would spend every night after dinner on the sofa watching phineas and ferb and wizards of waverly place.

work has been crazy this week.  i have actually started and stopped this blog entry three  four times since wednesday.  lol.  

weekend is looking kind of busy.   ziggy will get his shots, we will go see toy story 3, princess has a birthday party to attend.    hoping to get some bike riding in as well.  but they say it will be rainy all weekend.  boo hoo.  as soon as i finish blogging i am hopping in the shower and going out dancing.

today i booked my "Victory Trip" to Vegas in October.  by then i should be past the 100 pounds lost mark and hopefully under 200.  it will be a general trip for my friends who are going but for me it will be something i have been promising myself diet, after diet after diet.   i am planning some kind of "skinny bitch" celebration for me and my friends.   it will either be a sunset horse ride or a private stripper party.  ok, i am kidding.  they read this blog, and they know it will be a prim and proper (ha! not in this crowd) sunset horse ride in the desert.

ok....i need to put on my dancing flip flops....times a wasting....

sometimes even *i* go speechless

same girl.  same party house.  same friends at the party.  7 months, 3 weeks apart.

i am overwhelmed. 

a friend just sent me the picture on the right.  *now* i get the comments saturday night.

one the left i am thinking "please don't post this picture online".  one the right i am thinking "i can't wait to get a copy of this picture".

will it ever be enough? is it enough? (reposted -- hit publish by mistake)

i was at a party saturday night and got tons of comments on my weight-loss and how i was looking. one girl kept saying that i am "invisible". someone else told me that they thought i only need to lose 10 more pounds "but not more than that". WTF? i did not come this far to be chubby. lol. but i appreciate the compliment.

then the next day in my hangover haze i see the cover to the National Enquirer at the grocery store and it is SHOCKING NEWS that whitney houston weighs 175 pounds. 175 is front page news?????

i have no idea what my true goal weight is. i am mentally targeting 165 since that puts me at a healthy BMI. but i have no idea if i will still look big at the size. but, really, for me, it is not about looking big -- it is about looking good. and by that i readily admit that i mean it is about looking good to other people. i have no shame in saying that i want to be attractive to others and cut down my chances of my fat ass being splashed across the front page of a tabloid (as if! lol).

on the other hand,  i recently had the realization that for the first time in my adult memory i have less than 100 pounds to lose.  not 200 pounds to lose like i once did.   not 147 like when i started this journey.   i need to lose 70 pounds.   on one hand that sounds sooooo doable and easy.  on the other hand i know these will be the blood, sweat and tears pounds.   i can't wait for "this" to be over....

and just like the woman who said i only had 10 more pounds to go...i too sometimes forget that i am not there yet...like when i stripped down to my not-so tighty whities (ok, they were black and lace) and jumped into the hot tub the other night.  sure i had my bathing suit with me, but "why the hell not" is what i always say!

and in the spirit of moving forward,  i have decided to actively re-enter the dating market today -- the first day of summer.   i have posted an online ad and told friends i am on the "prowl" and to send willing victims women my way....  right now i am looking to date, have fun and get back out there.   look out world!  lol.