bench of reality....

i have blogged before about the "mirror of reality vs mirror of distortion".... this is my personal affliction that i still see my old self in the mirror and do not see what others see (reality) until i see a picture of myself.  until i am removed from the moment and reflecting back on it.

last night i was at a party that i frequent for parties.   i sat my sober (i swear i am going to lose these next 20 fast --- even if it means being sober) ass down on a bench.  ok.  so it is not a bench.  it is a plank of wood held up by two upside down 5-gallon buckets.   but it is the best seat in the house.  right by the door so you can see who shows up together and who sneaks off upstairs together.    while taking a picture with my friend, let's call her Kudy, last night it occurred to us two things...1.  Kudy and I sure do like to monopolize the bench and 2. my weight loss can be serialized through pictures of me and Kudy on this bench.

here is the bench of reality...

October 31, 2009 (Kudy was taking the picture)

Again, October 31, 2009 (Kudy still behind the camera)

April 17, 2010 -- Me and Kudy on the bench.  (it was a gender bending dress-up party.  she does not usually let her facial hair get so dark --lol)

April 17, 2010 -- earlier in the night in full costume.

June 19, 2010.   Kudy decided it was more important to visit family in the Midwest than sit on a bench with me.

                                                  December 11, 2010

one more time...

lest i get to full of myself here... i did get bitch slapped by a fat girl last night.   ok.  so i am bitter... she is someone i went on a couple dates with in the summer of 09.  then freaked out and disappeared.  i heard she was dating men after that.  and now she is back.  whatever.   so.... she was drunk last night and came over to talk.   and a real beanpole skinny friend walked by and she drunkenly leans into me and says: "you know what heidi, it doesn't matter how much weight we lose, we will never be that skinny."   fuck you, you fat stupid bitch.  i know she was drunk and trying to be friendly....but seriously?  you are going to try to bond with me over the fat thing?  first off, what is this "we" shit?  second off...i will...as far as i am concerned....i will be that skinny.  i was kind of pissed.  how dare she come over and bring her bad mojo to "my bench"... so i just smiled and told her that i planned to be that skinny after all my plastic surgery and that i am going to be Barbie.   then Kudy, M and I went back to our bench sitting and talked about working out while she just stood there.   like i said i am bitter.  i am over being a fat friend (that blog post has been swirling around in my head for months....).   there is so much more that i can on about...ugh.  but i just want to release it....but let me just say this....oh nevermind....stay tuned....lol.... because yeah...i hate lesbian drama, but i have a card was placed in my back pocket waiting to be played...