9 months in the making....

so...back in march when i started therapy one of the biggest issues identified was my enmeshment with my parents.   it was a scary realization at the time....not just because it was maddening to find out what my underlying "issue" was -- but also because i did not want to hurt my parents.   fortunately, through my wise therapist, i was able to spend the last 9 months addressing and identifying the issue in an appropriate place (her office) without having to have some kind of knock down, drag out confrontation with my parents.    because, now they don't just have a relationship with me...there is also my daughter.  their only granddaughter.   and i value the importance of that relationship and would not want to hurt that.

so very quietly the last 9 months i have worked on distancing myself both physically and internally from my parents in my quest to not only lose weight, but also get mentally healthy.   i went from someone who socialized all the time with my parents to someone who only saw them for special occasions or to bring the princess to them for a visit.  very different for me.   these new behaviors were something i needed to force out of myself initially, but now are almost second nature.    i can now leave the house in the morning without calling my mom, etc.

this distance has become so second nature to me, that a couple weeks ago i was un-nerving myself because i found that instead of going to a party and getting drunk i *wanted* to meet my parents for dinner first and just swing by the party.    of course, i made sure to bring this up in therapy because i thought i had some major processing to do..... much to my surprise my therapist lit up and said "wonderful!  that is what you are supposed to do".  huh?  i thought i had enmeshment issues???   "you do.   but you have gone from being with your parents all the time because you did not know any other different behavior to appropriately seeking out time to be with your parents".  ooooooooohhhhhhh.

so then, i decided to stop squashing an urge i have had to ask my parents to go on an RV trip.  this is something we used to do *all* the time.  especially before the princess.  just jump in their RV and GO.   so, i asked.   they hemmed and hawed and agreed.   so now i am writing this from the co-captain seat in their RV as we drive north to St. Augustine.   I am soooooooooooooooooooo excited.  i have missed spending special moments with them.  but i feel so much better now sitting here.  i am here because i *want* to be here.  i am here with my boundaries set.  i am here to enjoy and not merely exist.