mirror, mirror on the wall...

thank you for sharing in my joy yesterday of getting past the Southwest blubber police. i don't want to mislead anyone and have them think that i am walking around always delusional and all rainbows, chirping birds and singing mice. i am still struggling with the brain vs body thing.

i have always joked that i had undiagnosised Body Dysmorphic Disorder -- i always saw a thinner person in the mirror than i really was. i wonder if that image is flipping. i feel fat lately. really fat. i keep taking progress pics and i don't like them. am i being inpatient? maybe. i don't know. i just know i feel fat. and quite frankly, let's admit it...i am. i may have lost 100 pounds -- but i still have over 100 to go...and my body looks that way...

i also think i need the other 1/2cc of fill that i did not take before my cruise. i am eating much more than i should.  not an obscene amount...but more than i should. i did find myself thinking yesterday that "maybe" i will wait until monday for my fill so i can eat some "special" things this weekend. not good. i know i am not in this to deprive myself -- but at the same time i can NOT start manipulating the band.

on another note...muscle milk light protein shakes are NASTY.  pure evil.  when i got into town yesterday i went to the grocery store to get a 4-pack of shakes to get through this trip.  they did not have my EAS AdvantEdge so i bought the Muscle Milk Light.  NASTY. i ended up giving the other 3 to a homeless man a couple blocks from the grocery store.  i did not have time to go find my EAS shakes until after yesterday's meetings.   but i will never buy muscle milk again.

today i am flying back home...so, one more rendezvous with the Southwest blubber police...i was listening to Rosie Radio on Sirius yesterday and people were calling in about the airline issue. Rosie was taking the stance of that Kevin Smith is in denial about how fat he is. the portion of the show i heard there happened to be two calls -- one from a gastric bypass patient and a lap band patient. the lap band woman was sooooooooooooo nice. she lost 200 pounds overs two years and recently invited an obese person to sit with her (and even offered to take the middle seat) and put the armrest up for the woman because she remembered how it felt to be obese on a plane. i hope that i never forget my obese self and remain kind.

yesterday i was at a community meeting.  ironically, i have not been in this particular community since my 4th day post-op.   i got a lot of feedback on my weight...including from the elected official over dinner.   while no one asked during my presentation...my attention seeking whore-ness left the meeting satisfied...