My Therapist

those bloggers here who have spent time with me know that i start every 3.5 sentences with these words...My Therapist....

well....My Therapist has left me.  left florida.  left her practice.   she had to and i understand her personal reasons.   but it does not make this any easier.  

recently i did a gratitude list as homework for a session.   the top of the list was "My Therapist".  i am glad i did, because i was able to tell her that to her face.   i told her, somewhat emotionally, that she saved my life and i really believe she did.     the band, nor my surgeon, did not save my life.  the band is a tool.   she gave me the strength and clarity to work the tool and live beyond the weight loss.  she called me on my shit.   she did not let me big personality run the show as it has on-and-off for the past 20 years of therapy attempts.  

with that being said....i do not believe my therapy work is done.  and neither does she.   so she has passed me onto a colleague who she trusts.   (she also bugged me until i made my first appointment with the therapist because, as she pointed out, i was probably rationalizing quitting therapy...and she was right).   so, i met with My Therapist Part 2 this week.   she is good.  she is nice.  she is feeling me out as much as i am feeling her out.   she is committed to the long term plan My Therapist and i originally laid out.   i am not sure if she is strong enough to over power my bullshit and call me on it but she did ask me to tell her what worked best with My Therapist and i think i need to ask her to call me on my shit more.    we will see where this goes.   i also want to go on record as saying that the only other therapist that i had in my life who was getting somewhere with me "left me" for very similar personal reasons....my dumb luck, huh?

in other news...i am really run down this week.  it is my first week back at work after my gall bladder surgery.  it is also my first week of my two week notice and as such my co-workers and employees are literally sucking my brain out of my head since seven years ago when i started none of the structure that we have today, their departments, their jobs existed.   it is exhausting.    it is also somewhat sad.   this job has been a big chapter in my life.   i found out i was pregnant the day i interviewed for my job.   i work for not just a government but a people, a community, a culture.   you don't do what i did for almost 7 years with/for them without getting attached.   tomorrow i am traveling to tell some of the elected officials personally of my plans to leave.   each conversation is hard. 

add to that the fact that my new job is already heating up...i was approved at a public meeting this week by the elected body (kind of exhilarating to be at that level of professional position in my career...the fact that i am voted on... btw), i have been contacted by some people at the new job regarding future projects, etc.     and of course, i have the usual stuff of being a mom (the princess was bitten by our dog as i was running out to be voted on...talk about working mother guilt that night....), dealing with a biting dog who now has a stomach virus, trying to lose weight and...yes...and, i have met "someone"....not going to say too much right now about that....we'll see...

the picture is what i wore to the public meeting when i was approved for my job.   it is from the post-surgery day kohls shopping trip.   i love it.  it is me.  heidi.  in a size large vera wang dress.   yep.   excuse the proportion of the picture....the princess took it so it is coming from a lower position and, in my opinion, makes me look kind of drag queen/amazon-esque.