talk about going outside my comfort zone....

yesterday was my last day at my job.  an employer i have been with for almost 7 years.  i found out i was pregnant the day i interviewed for my job.   this job has been my life for 7 years.   i have put everything i had into the job.   the decision to leave my job was heart-wrenching.  i loved my job.   it is kind of weird today to not have that position as part of my identity.  there are reminders everywhere.  only one car outside the house since i had to turn in my work-issued suv.    only 1/3 the amount of keys on my keychain since i had to turn in my truck key and keys for my offices all over the state.   my purse was lighter today because i am down to only one phone.   so everything is just uncomfortable...from looking out at my car to holding my keys.   it is all i have known for 7 years.   and now...POOF...it is gone. 

but the time was right to move on.   the opportunity in front of me is the right one for me.   it is a going to be a lot of work.  a new challenge.  it will also be less money which will be an adjustment for the princess and i.    but most important to me is that i can be out of the closet at this job.   100%.  not just to "some" people.  i am starting this just with authenticity on my side.   it is fucking amazing.

i begin my new position on monday.   one of the things i am sooooooo looking forward to is the opportunity for a fresh start.    a new body.  a new professional outlook.  at my old job i was seen as "intense, intimidating and tall".    beginning monday i can be whoever i want to be.... and i really just want to be me....a professional woman who can stand to lose a few pounds but who is confident and polished.   who does not feel the need to overcompensate for her appearance.  who does not feel like crap physically all the time.  

i talked about this in therapy yesterday.  this is a big thing in front of me.  i need to stay focused.  i need to keep my addiction in check.  and that is the challenge facing me.   i do not have my drug of choice anymore -- food.   i need to cope with the challenges appropriately.    my fear is that if i can not cope i will lash out or react through behavior...which will lead back to my work reputation of being a bitch....which is what i do not want.   so the therapeutic plan is for me to not date, not be around toxic "friends" or situations...to stay focused on my job and family.  at least through the summer.   my therapist said i need to be pragmatic in my approach.  focused and on task.   i feel like i can do that.  i think if i work hard to maintain behavioral control it will help me not relapse with my weight loss, nor get into situations that are not healthy for me or will be frustrating -- like dating someone who is not healthy....so that part of my life is on hold.  i am also making some other appearance/behavioral changes.  i will be stepping up my wardrobe for this new position and plan to wear dresses and pantyhose at least 3 out of the 4 work days every week.

i am so excited for monday.   ready for this next chapter of my life.

here is a picture of me at an event at my former job about a year and half after i started and then a picture of me on my last day.