Today....

today has been a total "OMG" and "wow" day.....

first let me say THANK YOU so much for your supportive messages to my mommy and friend posts.   I am really reading your comments and thinking about them.  i want to respond back about them and at this point will not be able to do it until this weekend (which could be fun because i will most likely be hopped up on painkillers all weekend after surgery tomorrow....).  i am also going to work hard to figure out rosh hashanah and chicago....i need to be with blogger friends.

but back to today....a year and 20 days ago i blogged about my annual review at work and wrote this:

i also had my annual review this week. my boss basically told me that he is going to mentor me to take over his position in about 2 years (he is out of his 3rd or 4th retirement and in his 70s). this would take me from department director to a city manager/ceo position. the goals and benchmarks he laid out for me were quite high and significant. he also wants me to commit to major executive management training at a national level to make me more prepared to take his position.....you put these two upcoming "changes" together -- weight loss and job -- and i have a pretty big year or two ahead of me. lots of goals. lots of self-improvement. lots of other people's expectations to meet. the truth of the matter of it is i know that i will emerge on the other side of two years looking a like a new person inside and out. wow. kind of scary. but exciting at the same time.

i went to the executive training in June.  it was tough.  fucking tough.  i was a whole analysis of your personality, your leadership style and feedback from your boss, co-workers and employees.  it literally tears you down.    while there i had an emotional moment where i realized that it may be time to move on from my job.   the relationship i have with my job is complicated and one day i will be able to write more about it...but nevertheless i had this moment at the executive training where i realized that i need to move on.

there was only one job i wanted.  only one job that could shake me out of my comfort zone.   and today i was offered it.  i can't say too much yet....but while it is not a city manager position it is over 5 departments (i am currently over 2) and it puts me in the right size city to grow and directly under the city manager.   and today when he offered me the job he made it very clear to me that he was open to grooming me for his job until he retires in a few years......  it is less money and i will lose a lot of perks (like an SUV my current employer gives me), it is a 4 day / 10 hour work week which will be a challenge to this solo-mom and i can no longer coast by on my personality/institutional history like i do at my current job and work when i want and where i want---i will have to WORK.... but it is totally what i want.   i can be out of the closet there (and already am).  i can look towards my career future (which does not exist at my current job). 

AND AND AND never ever ever ever again will i get on an elevator and have to hear "oh! i didn't recognize you!" or "how much weight have you lost?" or "you look so amazing.  how do you feel?"  "how much did the surgery cost?" "can you really eat that?"  or walk into a room and have everyone stop talking and stop to look at me when i wear something new that fits right....ok, i may miss those showstopping moments.... but, damn it, i will no longer work somewhere where i used to be fat.  

i had a great conversation with my mom today about the new job.  she even pointed out that i need a change because of the weight loss i am a different person and ready to take on new challenges.   it was great affirmation from my mommy.

OH MY FUCKING GAWD.   i can't believe that what i only dreamed about being a possibility last february is happening..... wait.  i can believe it.   i made it happen.

now i have to figure out when to tell my boss (and THAT will be heartbreaking)...between surgery, my medical absence next week, etc.  sigh.  and i need to tell him so the city can call and finalize my background check.  
wow.  just wow.