the difference between 37 and 38....

in the past, i usually spend 3-4 days around my birthday at disney and/or on a disney cruise.  last year was both.   last year....well, last year i was "thinking" about surgery and going through the process but at that point it was not a reality.   also, last year on my birthday my daughter had an appointment with her neurosurgeon and it was determined that she needed another back surgery and intensive plastic surgery.  he did not want us to go to disney or on the cruise but i pleaded with him to let us go knowing how long the recovery process is.

this year...i don't have time for a long trip to disney or a cruise.  between our recent trip to the keys, a trip to DC in two weeks and everything else that keeps us busy we spent yesterday at disney celebrating my 38th birthday.  my actual birthday is on tuesday.   tomorrow i will meet with my therapist and say good-bye to my former self.    i have my letter written and (i think) i am ready to do this.   i have also stated in that letter that in my journey moving forward i will not look at my fat pictures.   so....here you have the last showing of then and now  pictures (maybe. for now. we'll see).

37th Birthday dinner at Cinderella's Castle.

this picture will be destroyed tomorrow with the letter and washed away in the current... the "funny" thing is, i had this picture in my mind a lot this weekend. and when i looked at current pictures i thought you would see very little difference in me. today i realized how fucked up my current body image is. 

38th Birthday Lunch at Living Seas (EPCOT) -- pic taken by *my* princess

37th Birthday Picture with Mickey

38th Birthday with Mickey

Obligatory Castle Pic -- 37th Birthday (4 hours after finding out about princess' next surgery)

Obligatory Castle Pic -- 38th Birthday

37th Birthday "Cake" (just berries) because i was hoping if i ate this way i would live longer.

38th Birthday "cake" -- do-it-yourself sundae off the children's menu... because this year i was celebrating living!

and finally... this picture was taken in April 2006 at the Living Seas in EPCOT. i have kept it on my refrigerator since 2006 as my "motivation" picture to lose weight. of course, it never motivated me NOT to open the fridge. in fact, recently i took it down because i was embarrassed by it. i will be replacing it this week with the new picture taken in the same spot this weekend.