my date got called into work late this afternoon. :-( hopefully we will see each other saturday night.
so i have been obsessing since 2 this afternoon about what i should do. babysitter is still coming over.
i may go to starbucks and read my kindle.
i may go to barnes and noble and read my kindle and go to whole foods next door. (most likely)
i may go to whole foods and eat (not sure i am really hungry since i have been grazing all day).
i may go to the mall.
i was thinking about still going out to the bar and gay ghetto we were planning on going to. but that is 30 minutes away and i feel antisocial tonight.
what to do? what to do?
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
ya know....
ugh. just ugh.
yesterday i talked about and committed to easing up on the babysitters and being less busy and more lazy. today at work it was decided that an annual meeting that usually takes place one full saturday in october every year will now be dragged out into two consecutive weeks of lunch and dinner meetings around the state. lovely. just lovely. starting monday and through oct 14 i am booked and on the road most days. i am scrambling for babysitters as my parents are traveling much of this time. and then on top of that i am going for a girls weekend in vegas on the 14th. so basically i will see my daughter some time around october 20th. for the record, karma goddess, i am not complaining about my job....i am merely venting about not being able to be lazy. yeah. that's it. lol.
i did not get my much need re-fill today. had to cancel that appointment at the last minute due to an urgent meeting. because i deal with a large and controversial part of the overall budget this is my crazy time of year. (end/beginning of fiscal year). the good thing is i am healthier than i have been the last 6 years of doing this job. and that makes this crazy schedule easier to deal with. hopefully i can get my fill on friday. being on liquids during the weekend sucks. but i'll take it to have some control back in my life.
i do have a date tomorrow night. we have gone out a couple times already. have i mentioned how much i HATE my body now? it is just so depressing and gross. ugh. if nothing else -- two weeks on meetings on the road secures my job which pays for my insurance which will (hopefully) pay for the removal of all this disgusting skin. in addition to the pain and rashes this week i have a very painful boil under my stomach apron. did i tell you i HATE my body?
lol. what a negative post. oh well... bleech.
oh. and one more thing...apparently a little rain is worthy of Breaking News in Florida. you would think it was something important...like michael jackson dying with all the water cooler talk and news updates today.
yesterday i talked about and committed to easing up on the babysitters and being less busy and more lazy. today at work it was decided that an annual meeting that usually takes place one full saturday in october every year will now be dragged out into two consecutive weeks of lunch and dinner meetings around the state. lovely. just lovely. starting monday and through oct 14 i am booked and on the road most days. i am scrambling for babysitters as my parents are traveling much of this time. and then on top of that i am going for a girls weekend in vegas on the 14th. so basically i will see my daughter some time around october 20th. for the record, karma goddess, i am not complaining about my job....i am merely venting about not being able to be lazy. yeah. that's it. lol.
i did not get my much need re-fill today. had to cancel that appointment at the last minute due to an urgent meeting. because i deal with a large and controversial part of the overall budget this is my crazy time of year. (end/beginning of fiscal year). the good thing is i am healthier than i have been the last 6 years of doing this job. and that makes this crazy schedule easier to deal with. hopefully i can get my fill on friday. being on liquids during the weekend sucks. but i'll take it to have some control back in my life.
i do have a date tomorrow night. we have gone out a couple times already. have i mentioned how much i HATE my body now? it is just so depressing and gross. ugh. if nothing else -- two weeks on meetings on the road secures my job which pays for my insurance which will (hopefully) pay for the removal of all this disgusting skin. in addition to the pain and rashes this week i have a very painful boil under my stomach apron. did i tell you i HATE my body?
lol. what a negative post. oh well... bleech.
oh. and one more thing...apparently a little rain is worthy of Breaking News in Florida. you would think it was something important...like michael jackson dying with all the water cooler talk and news updates today.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
an unfill, a funeral and DC
so after having 2ccs taken out last week, i feel like a new person. i think regardless of the popcorn or whatever caused me the trauma, i was definitely too tight to enjoy life. i do think know that i am currently too loose to keep losing weight, as well. so tomorrow when i go back to the surgeon's office i will most likely ask for only 1 cc and take it from there.
it was nice to be in DC this weekend and enjoy food a little, but at the same time not go hog-wild. if within this restriction range is where i will be for the rest of my life, i will be happy.
a lot has been going on here. a week ago last friday my great aunt was supposed to have a colonoscopy. she couple not get the drinky thing down. that led to a dx of impaction which lead to emergency surgery which led to a dx of intestinal cancer. she never really came out of surgery. not a coma, but heavy sedation. i was lucky to be with her during her only two known times of communication and consciousness. two days out of surgery she was on a respirator. this past friday she was taken off the respirator and died two minutes later. one week of illness. never knew she had terminal cancer. died peacefully. what a way to live a life and die. it is sad, sure. but it was her time. i miss her dearly. i have some regrets. she was the aunt i spoke to my therapist about reaching out to when my mom could not be my "grocery store". but, i also understand this was her time.
i did see my sister yesterday at the funeral. my sister hates me. (no sympathy needed). she hates me because i am her big ole dykey sister who was never rejected by our family...who has done well for herself.... i also gave our parents their only grandchild (her controlling husband has seen to it that they will never have kids). she lives 10 minutes away from me and refuses to "know" me anymore. this is pretty recent in the last few years. we actually grew up super close in a beaver cleaver house and she even followed me to college. after meeting her husband everything changed. it is sad. it could break my heart if i let it, but a couple years ago i gave up. my parents suffer the same cold shoulder as i do. it was pointed out to me more than once yesterday that my recent weight loss is only going to make her "hate" me more. pathetic. oh well. what i feel more sad about for her is that she was basically an "outsider" at the funeral due to her own isolation and she just looks so sad and miserable in life in general.
that being said...our weekend in DC was wonderful. after a couple weeks of being away from home most nights and relying on babysitters, it was nice to have 24/7 one on one time with the princess. she has been traveling with me extensively since she was 6 months old and is a great traveler. very easygoing and patient with the travel stuff. in our short time there we went to the national women in the arts museum, chinatown, the white house, the national book festival, eastern market, georgetown, the national building museum, chinatown again and the national portrait gallery/museum of american art. except for the building museum, all the museums and cultural places where chosen by my princess.
i am realizing that i need to slow down my life a little. i feel overextended and absent from home a lot lately. i am trying the dating thing again. we'll see....
looks like you all had a great time in Chicago and i need to stop looking at your pictures before i get a complex and start having a pity party singing "nobody likes me, everybody hate me i am going to go and eat some protein rich worms"......
it was nice to be in DC this weekend and enjoy food a little, but at the same time not go hog-wild. if within this restriction range is where i will be for the rest of my life, i will be happy.
a lot has been going on here. a week ago last friday my great aunt was supposed to have a colonoscopy. she couple not get the drinky thing down. that led to a dx of impaction which lead to emergency surgery which led to a dx of intestinal cancer. she never really came out of surgery. not a coma, but heavy sedation. i was lucky to be with her during her only two known times of communication and consciousness. two days out of surgery she was on a respirator. this past friday she was taken off the respirator and died two minutes later. one week of illness. never knew she had terminal cancer. died peacefully. what a way to live a life and die. it is sad, sure. but it was her time. i miss her dearly. i have some regrets. she was the aunt i spoke to my therapist about reaching out to when my mom could not be my "grocery store". but, i also understand this was her time.
i did see my sister yesterday at the funeral. my sister hates me. (no sympathy needed). she hates me because i am her big ole dykey sister who was never rejected by our family...who has done well for herself.... i also gave our parents their only grandchild (her controlling husband has seen to it that they will never have kids). she lives 10 minutes away from me and refuses to "know" me anymore. this is pretty recent in the last few years. we actually grew up super close in a beaver cleaver house and she even followed me to college. after meeting her husband everything changed. it is sad. it could break my heart if i let it, but a couple years ago i gave up. my parents suffer the same cold shoulder as i do. it was pointed out to me more than once yesterday that my recent weight loss is only going to make her "hate" me more. pathetic. oh well. what i feel more sad about for her is that she was basically an "outsider" at the funeral due to her own isolation and she just looks so sad and miserable in life in general.
that being said...our weekend in DC was wonderful. after a couple weeks of being away from home most nights and relying on babysitters, it was nice to have 24/7 one on one time with the princess. she has been traveling with me extensively since she was 6 months old and is a great traveler. very easygoing and patient with the travel stuff. in our short time there we went to the national women in the arts museum, chinatown, the white house, the national book festival, eastern market, georgetown, the national building museum, chinatown again and the national portrait gallery/museum of american art. except for the building museum, all the museums and cultural places where chosen by my princess.
i am realizing that i need to slow down my life a little. i feel overextended and absent from home a lot lately. i am trying the dating thing again. we'll see....
looks like you all had a great time in Chicago and i need to stop looking at your pictures before i get a complex and start having a pity party singing "nobody likes me, everybody hate me i am going to go and eat some protein rich worms"......
Monday, September 27, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
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