i fucked our relationship up big time. she will tell you she fucked it up big time.
well....tonight she sent me "the email". she disclosed from the get-go she was trashed. but also said she was clear headed about what she felt in her heart. she said everything. everything i needed to hear and everything i wanted to hear. i don't know what will happen from here. there are some roadblocks we both will need to deal with. and i will just say life is sometimes so fucking unfair.
and speaking of unfair...i bought a dress off the clearance rack at macys. oh yeah...it is a size medium. fucking medium. never in all my lexicon did i speak of wearing a size medium....but i am. what is unfair is my arms. i work my ass off to get to this point to look like a circus freakshow.
i am using my payout from my former job to get my arms done and a breast lift. i will eventually need a tummy tuck (i need one NOW, actually)....but have decided to do my arms and breasts first since they affect my outward appearance more. i want to wait until after summer due to my natural tanning starting this time of year -- to avoid the darkening of my scars and because i spend most of the summer camping and i don't want to be limited in my mobility. as of right now i am looking at the end of september/early october to get them done. until then....it is sooooooooooooooooooo frickin unfair that i have to wear a jacket over this dress to hide my arms.
That's exciting about the old relationship and the dress. I think you look great! My arms look like that too, but I say wear the dress and just don't wave a bunch, that's what I do!
ReplyDeleteYou should be so proud!
"don't wave a bunch". Only Theresa.
ReplyDeleteAs to you looking like "a circus freak show"? Um, no. You look great Heidi. Put a pic of yourself at you highest weight with you arms all nice and filled in next to this one. You will see what we see, someone who looks fantastic!
I love the dress! Size medium!
ReplyDeleteReally I can only see the bat wings when you hold your arms like that. When you stand normally, your arms look fine. I'm glad you have a plan to deal with them, though, since they're bothering you so much. Can you believe you even have that issue though? I mean did you imagine two years ago you'd have to worry about cosmetic surgery because you have extra skin from getting so skinny?
As for the email...wow. How cool to receive that validation. Even if it never goes any further, to know that she feels that way is so powerful. I am a little worried about her being drunk when she sent it, but I know you will make the best decisions for your self and your situation.
Your arms look great... Mine look like I'm about to take off like an albatross... and I've only lost 118 pounds so far. You will feel so confident and gorgeous after you get your plastics... but you look amazing to us already! I hope everything works out with the Ex... it sounds promising. I miss you, are you coming to O-Town anytime at all in the next few weeks? *M*
ReplyDeleteYou look amazing! I hear ya on the arm thing. In the past few weeks, it's been really starting to bother me, but I have quite a few pounds to go, so I guess I'm just gonna have to deal for the time being. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteMiss you!
Heidi,
ReplyDeleteLovely, wonderful Heidi, that if I wanted to, I could SHARE dresses with... both "then" and "now" BTW.......
Wear that fucking dress...... and wear it NOW! Last time I checked, and I check ALL THE TIME, no one walks around with their arms at 90° angles. EVER.
You and me...... same boat. I have pix on my blog with the same issue, size medium dress, and ridiculous flying squirrel arms. I'm STILL going to wear that dress. I'm not going to wave..... hell, I won't even speak ANIMATEDLY (is that a word???) but I **WILL** wear the dress.
You should too. You've earned it....... and you look SMOKING HOT in that dress. So wear it... and smile (but not animatedly!)
xoxoxox
Have I mentioned that I think you look like Gina Gershon? You do!
ReplyDelete