pinching myself purposely....

i really think one of the best things i have done for myself lately is to go back and read my blog from start to present.

it really reminded me of how far i have come.  of the small victories that really weren't that small and of how not stuck i really am. 

the other thing reminding myself of these victories has done, has been to make me notice and APPRECIATE things more lately.   today, for example, i had to fly over to Tampa.  sure i already have given up the seat belt extender.  sure, the table goes down.  but today when i put on the seatbelt without putting the side arms up and sat with the whole 45 minute flight with my legs comfortably crossed and at least 3 inches between my crossed leg and the seat in front of me...i made sure to notice, smile and enjoy this small, but significant moment.   sure, it is a "normal" occurrence, and that is what i want afterall....but it is still special.    it also points to my word/goal...to live.   and to enjoy life.   i think for my mind to shift to meet my body, i need to appreciate and enjoy my new body/life more.

speaking of that much needed shift....man, oh, man is my body image still fucked up.   this weekend i will be going to maryland to see my cousins (and hopefully Bandwidth Linda!).   i guess all these years in the florida sun has fried my brain because it did not occur to me that it would be THAT COLD up there until yesterday when i casually checked the weather.  what does this have to do with my body image?  everything.  because my first thought was to be bummed for the sole reason that it means that i will have to wear layers and bulky clothes and my cousin may not notice my 165 pound weight loss.   yes.  i seriously had a couple hours where i thought that a sweat and jacket would make me look like i still weighed 373 pounds and not the (less than?) 208 that i currently weigh.     but now, that i have caught my thoughts, i am working on correcting them.   thus, you will not see breaking news on cnn this weekend of a chubby girl walking around in 29 (TWENTY NINE) degrees weather wearing short jeans skirts and tight shirts to show off all her deliciousness.....

but back to enjoying and taking care of myself.... i have been wanting to get myself a ring.   a ring that does not fall off my new skinny fingers and a ring to celebrate my journey.   i finally found what i was looking for this weekend at an arts festival.  isn't it cool?  it is sterling with 2 14k balls and a black pearl.  i really like it.  most art show rings are too clunky and heavy for my tastes.  this one was perfect.