very interesting stuff out there directly related to WLS. and it makes total sense.
don't get me wrong...i don't think i am a full blown alcoholic....more like i saw the writing on the wall this morning....and am choosing to be more conscious of my drinking, who i hang out/drink with and figure out why i must always numb myself with *something*....
today i had the following thoughts:
thought #1 i am an amazing mother. i am so-so with being a wannabe punkrock social rockstar. i need to keep doing and prioritize what i am good at. (thank god i am a lazy bitch and like to take the easy way out instead of finding new work for myself...because if i decided i needed to be better at being a wannabe punkrock social rockstar it might negate the amazing mother stuff.....lol)
thought #2 i have pretty much lost 180 pounds from my highest weight. (assuming i am around 195 today and that even though i saw 373 on the scale once...most like i weighed more than that...) and that i need to go beyond appreciating the fact that i have lost a full grown overweight woman but that there is no way in hell i am going to be able to handle things either a. like i used to or b. perfectly....
thought #3 this is soooooooooo fucking hard. all of it.
thought #4 i hope the store justice goes bankrupt. the princess decided to spend her birthday money and justice gift cards today. she is only SIX! i can not handle that store for 6,7,8 more years.
due to schedules, circumstance and emergencies i have not seen my therapist since mid-december. i am supposed to see her this thursday. i feel so out of control with my functionality lately...
You are an amazing mother.You are wise to identify you're on a slippery slope with your drinking. Just being aware will hopefully help get it under control.
ReplyDeleteI think(know)I have addictive tendencies and did a lot of research on addiction transfer before surgery. I'm a firm believer in knowing what might be coming. Make sure you get to your appointment Thursday.
I think your thoughts are pretty insightful and give you credit for being able to look at life with this perspective.. I have heard about addiction transfer.. and find my addictive traits(eating, shopping, other OCD behaviors) come out when I am filled with chaos.. once law and order are in place. .all the waters in my sea are calm.. as you can imagine.. I am going through a shit storm now.
ReplyDeleteBeing able to identify in yourself something that could become a full blown problem is a pretty damn amazing thing to be able to do and you should be extremely proud of yourself.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're finally able to reconnect with your therapist this week!!
Good for you for being on top of this. Also, on the therapist front, consider asking your therapist to do phone sessions if you can't come in. I do that with mine -- I actually haven't seen her in person for several years, though I've sent her photos and she sees my blog now and then. This works just fine for me and is a heck of a lot easier than trying to leave work for an appointment.
ReplyDeleteyou are an amazing mother and person.
ReplyDeletei have been thinking about you a lot after your last few posts. i am glad that you are on top of things even though you are having difficulties, i have no doubt that you will come out on top. your strength is amazing.