so in mid-August i had all my fluid out. i thought i had 6cc of the 11cc out. turns out i had 7cc out. the first week i was sooooooooo good. (ew, my old therapist would tell me to not say "good").... but i was. i rode my bike 4 miles every night. i wrote down what i wrote. i used portion control. in the first week i was down 2 pounds. 221. i even told myself that 2 pounds a week was not only realistic but also consistent with the rate of weight loss i achieved during the rose colored days. when i went in to get some fill put back in i was up 6 pounds from my "fluid out" weight in. i gave up the other 3 weeks in between fluid out and fluid in.
right now i am trying to keep focused on the realistic goal of 2 pounds a week. my official home weigh in day is thursday. last thursday i was down 2 pounds. 227. but i still have very little restriction. i can eat too much and my choices are not always the best. tomorrow morning i will call in for the next fill.
i realize that unlike the rose colored glasses days, my life no longer revolve around weight loss. and i am suffering for it. i am going to try my best to get to support group this month. it is next monday. i do find myself blogging in my head while i drive to and from work. but i know i need to really commit it to a computer screen.
i keep thinking about all the fall/winter clothes i have from two years ago that don't fit me anymore. at the end of december we are going on a long trip to the northeast. i am hoping that i can fit into these clothes again...comfortably. i wonder if that is realistic.
when i first lost weight i, for the first time in my life, was able to watch tv or look at clothes in stores and consider myself in them. now i find myself watching shows like housewives or project runway and feeling fat....when just a couple years ago i these same shows made me feel motivated.
the clothes thing really bugs me. after a lifetime of not feeling good in my clothes, i finally got used to feeling good in clothes and now it is gone.
hopefully not for too long.
It's such a hard place to be! When I had gained some weight back, I remember seeing the number on the scale and just crying, when a year before that...I nearly did a backflip when I saw that number. How can you feel so good at a weight on the way down and so terrible at the same weight when you've gone up to it. There has to be a way to be more forgiving and still refocus! Good luck, you can do this!!!
ReplyDeleteThe good news is that you are very self-aware and clearly motivated. The stars don't all have to align for any of us to lose weight, we just have to take it one moment at a time. I still have days when I tell myself that if I can just make it to x oclock without having y, I will do z for myself. It's all about doing what works for you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Tessie. I forgot how good you are about summing things up...yep...once upon a time i danced, hooted, hollered and posted about hitting 229. now i cry. sigh. good to hear from you....
ReplyDeletetracy...i can not post on your blog...is there a trick? anyways...i do the ketchup thing too sometimes. i love the image of beating the bag of chips and then smothering them. i need to remember that one... chips are my crack.
ReplyDelete