living in material world...

last week i told my Fashionable Girlfriend™ (MFGF™) that i welcomed her help in finding my new style to go along with my new body.   the fact that i shared that "need" with her to begin with is a huge step for my narcissistic self.  

one thing i am struggling with is that i want to hide my trouble spots, i want to embrace my inner punk more that i have more options and i want to not look fat.    one example i gave MFGF™ is that when i was larger that i wore those flowy flower tops all the time because that is all they sold in my size.   so want to avoid flowy because i associate them with being fat.  but yet i want to avoid tight shirts because they cling to my middle.  

so...anyhoo...MFGF™ staged a mini-intervention with me this weekend.   it was gentle and great.  i told her that the "trying on" part was the hardest for me because it was just me, the full length mirror and all my skin and imperfections.  she would always ask me if i "wanted" to try on -- instead of pushing me into something.  she would sneak into the dressing rooms after the clerk told us only one person allowed and she would distract me from the mirror.

here are my takeways....

1.  i need to stop putting off buy "good" permanent clothes, specifically tops,  now that i am 40 pounds from final goal.   i am wearing a Large.   it will be a long time before i get into a Medium -- if i even do based on my style and body type -- and MFGF™ said the Large items i buy now will still continue to fit -- just differently.  she pointed out that it was affecting my quality of life.  for example, we were going down to south beach for breakfast and i was on the verge of a breakdown because i could not figure out what to wear. i am ok with work clothes but i have nothing for the weekend -- day or night.  frustrating.

2.  i need to invest in good bras.  (i told MFGF™ about jen's bra find and she agrees with the possibilities).   i need to wear good bras when i am clothes shopping so i can get positive results in the dressing room.

3. MFGF™ kept telling me i was picking up clothes that are not cut right for my body.  after some back and forth and exploration of this she said that she thinks i am buying for the 18-24 year old set and not the 30-something (fine, almost 40) set.   and when she finally drilled down to that observation it occurred to me that i am probably drawn to the Guess hipster look or the Roxy stuff because when i was 18-24 i didn't fit into this stuff and i got to go along and watch all my friends buy these clothes.  once we recognized this it was easier for us to negotiate styles.  while, she is still holding strong with the benetton and anthropologie clothes -- i am able now to understand and rein myself in (somewhat) on the stuff that just doesn't look right on me but i WANT anyways.    i pointed out to her that at least my post-surgical regression was teenage fashion and not promiscuous sex or drugs.  she still wasn't giving me a hall pass at the Quicksilver store.  lol.    i totally get what she is saying and i am right there with her....but it is not going to stop me from getting this shirt at Guess...lol... i love the fucking 80s.   

i really think it is great that i have access to a knowledgeable, critical yet loving fashion eye.  and a lot of what MFGF™ says makes sense.   most importantly, i needed someone to say to me and point out that i needed to invest in clothes NOW if i want to feel good about my physical self.  that would have never occurred to me!