i have a kind of/sort of date on tuesday. (yay!) it is someone i met online and since we are going to meet at a starbucks it is really more of a meet and greet than a date....but....i am wondering "when" in my dating (because i plan to do a lot of it) do i mention the surgery and ongoing weight loss?
i am totally open about the surgery in every other aspect of my life. i offer up that information to anyone who asks or don't asks. but what about a date? before we meet? the first meet? down the road? and how? i just don't know and any advice or experience is appreciated.
my only experience with this is on the receiving end. a couple years ago i went out with someone who had previously had bypass surgery. ("wilma" for my real life friends). it was actually also a meet and greet at a starbucks and we hit it off and decided to leave starbucks and go for sushi. she allowed me to order first and i ordered what a typical women over 300 pounds does -- 2 or 3 different rolls. she ordered a small maki roll. and after the waiter walked off she told me she could not eat a lot because she had surgery. of course all *my* far insecurities came rushing to me and i felt duped. like a big fat pig on display. of course, i didn't say that and she didn't seem to mind since the next few times we did go out it was to eat. but i think she was a "feeder" since she she also left baked goods at my house a couple times while i was at work.
anyhoo... i just remember feeling very self-conscious and, like i said, a little deceived after i ordered all that sushi and i don't want to make anyone ever feel that way. and the woman who i am seeing on tuesday identifies herself as a "few extra pounds". sure, i shouldn't assume she will feel insecure. but i just don't know what to do and when. i was thinking of just bringing it up casually at starbucks in the context of bike riding, etc.
and, of course, part of this is my vain inner skinny bitch wanting to scream "i don't really look like this. this is just a step on the downward staircase of my weight"!!!!!
what to do? what to do?
sounds cheesy, but do what feels right for you! personally i don't know if i would divulge that info up front, i might wait to see if i wanted it to turn into a 2nd date (or further) before telling them :-) but that is just me!!
ReplyDeleteI'll be interested to see how you handle this. Different, but similar, I may be starting a new job where no one knows me heavy or that I had WLS. I don't want to feel like a liar, but how do I just jump into that subject? And SHOULD I jump into it? Keep us posted...
ReplyDeleteInteresting question - one of which I have no clue how to answer. My gut tells me that the person you feel comfortable telling up front is the person you have the most chance of having a relationship with. Hope you have a great date.
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